Fighting off those valentine’s day blues

This post was edited on 03/20/2023 by @theinnerthoughtsofawoman

Valentine’s Day has never been something I look forward to. Instead of feeling the “love,” I tend to fall back into my depressive state and can’t help but to feel lonely and even helpless at times. I thought being in a relationship would alter my opinion about this holiday and leave me feeling a sense of enlightenment. However; I was wrong. Regardless of one’s relationship status, Valentine’s Day tends to strike up negative emotions in all of us.

As you are supposed to show and feel this love towards your partner every day, doing these a “extra” actions on Valentine’s Day can be tricky which is why many couples put an unrealistic expectation on this holiday. This leads to 1 in 14 Americans going through a breakup on that very day of “love.” A few reasons for a potential breakup on the day made for love include becoming aware of each other’s different values, ways of communication, beliefs and expectations in life or of this specific day, disappointing sexual intimacy or gift-giving, and recognizing the feeling of boredom in your relationship.

Which just leads me to ask: Why as a society do, we do this? We put so much pressure on a commercially run holiday that no one really gets to enjoy it and we even let it be detrimental towards our mental health. The calls made to the suicide hotline actually double on Valentine’s Day. Many people who commit suicide are already feeling unloved or  invaluable to others and this day, or season, of love only reminds them of how they are feeling which is why many of the hotlines see an increase in calls, as Dr. John Robertson explains.

The people in relationships tend to end up disappointed and the people who are not in relationships tend to feel left out of the entire holiday, as a whole. If you have done it in the past, then you know that being single on Valentine’s Day can make you feel depressed and lonely, even when you weren’t feeling that way just the day before.

Possible reasons for a single person to feel more depressed than normal on Valentine’s Day includes being reminded of relationship failures and rejections, physically being alone and that being alone with your thoughts, an increase of rejection sensitivity, and other potential factors.  While Valentine’s Day may not be anyone’s favorite time of year, we can all fight off those blues and increase our mental health by abiding by these following tips:

• Throw a Galentine’s Day party: Grab your fellow single friends and throw a party celebrating your platonic love of one another, instead of just celebrating romantic relationships! This could be as elaborate as decorating your home in red and white heart balloons everywhere while requiring all of your guests to wear pink. However, this could also be as simple as getting a group of friends together and going to a Mexican restaurant for some margaritas and queso dip with a side of piping hot gossip.
• Participate in an act of self- care: This could be a single self-care act once a day the week of Valentine’s to keep yourself going at a steady pace or just a whole self-care routine during the day of Valentine’s for a little pick me up. Possible activities include writing in a journal, going for a walk, attending a fitness class, doing your entire skincare routine, reading a novel, cleaning your room, etc.
• Talk to your partner: A week or so before Valentine’s Day actually comes along, have a talk with your partner and be honest with what you each are expecting from that day so that there is less probability of disappointment.
• Attend a therapy session: If you tried the tips above and are having no luck fighting off those Valentine’s Day blues then it might be time to talk to a therapist, whether you are single or in a relationship. Couples therapy can be extremely beneficial for working through differences and relighting that spark between you and your significant other again. Meanwhile, a one-on-one therapy session would be beneficial for spotting that inner root problem and attempting to dissolve that feeling of depression or intense disappointment.