Welp. Here we go again! Guess what: I’m at a 9 out of 10 right now on the BREAK SOMETHING scale…. Because, while I love the internet… and all of its “special” sites… I just came across this new Thought catalog? What is this s**t? Half of these articles are complete bullshit. Another quarter of them are trash; and the rest, well I’m not exactly sure. I guess there could be some GREAT gems hidden beneath its suspiciously faux-hipster appearance, but having to wade through the compost is really discouraging.
I’m assuming people actually go to this site and read what it has to say – so just for your entertainment’s sake I’ve decided to bring the fun to you this week! Here’s a short little list of my top 5 *favorite* articles that I’ve found so far (with a teaser quote for your enjoyment):
“Date a girl who’s a basic bitch. She will never judge you for drinking Miller Lite or watching How I Met Your Mother or having a degree in communications. She will fill you with the best compliments she knows.”
“If even half of my fellow American men followed these easy steps, we’d throw off the tyrannical vaginal yoke once and for all. Don’t let women fool you, fellas—they need men. It’s not a coincidence that modern feminists have become exponentially annoying alongside plummeting testosterone levels. The deficiency of capable cocks is driving them cuckoo.”
“I never had to work my way through school, never had to worry about the cost of anything. My parents have given me everything I could ever want and then more, but because I never had to struggle, I never felt satisfied.”
“Anyone who doesn’t let loose and party in their twenties is probably not worthing even talking to. Like. Ever. Become best friends with the bartenders at your local bars and clubs, try every drink at least once and then do it all over again. And if the mixologist is cute, you know what (or who) to do after closing time in the back room. Make sure never to pay for drinks though, you’re better than that.”
“One of my favorite celebrities right now is Paula Deen. Her bravery and courage is unparalleled in the fat southern chef universe. With her outspoken views on the n-word and her comparison of her racism to Michael Sam’s homosexuality, Paula is uniquely herself. Paula got to where she is by never apologizing sincerely, and never being afraid to experiment with cholesterol or the n-word.”
So there you go. Hopefully those articles entertain you on this lovely day. Just remember, all your thoughts and struggles, all the things we work to achieve sometimes, can just become a comedy act on the internet through satire blogs like the “Thought Catalog”. One thought you may have is… “Did real people write these?” Well I can’t speak for every post – some may be legit feelings – but I know for a fact that my no. 4 is definite fake. Apparently a member of one of the internet’s more popular body building forums decided to write it up and post it while bored one evening. With a pain in my chest… I wonder: is this how people really see feminism? Is it just one big joke? Privilege is astoundingly mainstream these days, and I guess one part of the hegemonic ideology is to crack jokes on real issues.