I’m done being “Too Nice”

I’m a kind person. I care a lot about the people in my life and often find myself bending over backward to help people out.

Some might call me “nice”.

What do you mean by “nice” you might say? Well here’s a textbook definition:

Screen Shot 2018-10-05 at 10.40.44 AM

Ok, you’re probably wondering what I mean by all of this. Before I explain I want to give you another definition of the word “nice”, but this time in my own words.

Nice: Someone who has a hard time saying no to people. A girl that let’s people walk over her. Someone who often gets taken advantage of.

 

So now that we have those two definitions side by side, I can explain myself.

I’m not simply a “nice” person… I’m “too nice”. Often times I get taken advantage of because of my nice exterior and my willingness to help in any way that I can…But years of being the “nice girl” and letting people walk over me has made me step back and realize that I don’t have to go through this. I can still be kind and receive respect from others. I can stand up for myself and still make people smile.

So why am I telling you all of this? This may seem like a personal problem, but believe it or not, I am not the only one who deals with this. Surprisingly this is a huge issue amongst other people(regardless of gender) and it’s something that no one really talks about. No one talks about it because the people who have affected have a hard time voicing their opinions on the subject, for fear of upsetting others. Which is actually why I feel the need to talk about it.

Below are a few tweets that I found with the #peoplepleaser, another word that most people who associate themselves as “too nice” fall under:

https://twitter.com/baggagereclaim/status/1015255332623298561

 

https://twitter.com/kaylablackburn0/status/973733024041984000

 

Just because I identify as a woman doesn’t mean that I think only women deal with the issue, that all women deal with it, or even that just people that identify as women deal with it. I know people in my life that have no trouble demanding respect, but I also know others that struggle with the same things I do.

I used to think that you couldn’t be assertive and kind. I didn’t think that the two traits went hand in hand and that if I was assertive and demanded respect I would be losing my kind demeanor.

Now I know this to be entirely false. I can still be kind to others and have a voice. I don’t have to internalize all of the hurt and anger I feel until it explodes out of me one day when I can’t handle it anymore.

I strive to be the kind of woman that stands up to people and isn’t constantly apologizing for things and putting others needs before her. I want to eventually raise a daughter that speaks her mind and doesn’t let people treat her like a doormat.

I hope this post inspires someone else who struggles with being “too nice” and encourages them to stand up for themselves. Your voice matters, and it doesn’t have to be put under everyone else’s.

 

 

13 thoughts on “I’m done being “Too Nice”

  1. I loved the topic of this post because I believe it is relevant for college students and I know for sure that many students can relate to this feeling of being ‘too nice.’ I am one who sometimes feels this way as well and it is a problem which needs to be explored. I agree with you, that it is important to stand up for your beliefs instead of keeping your thoughts inside and being the person to always agree with the others. I feel this is a problem many college students have because it may be hard to assert yourself while also presenting your opinions in the correct manner. This post was beneficial because it touches on an issue that is very common. I hope that over time individuals come to realize how important it is to express your beliefs and know that you can still be a nice person without always keeping quiet. Everyone has different beliefs, and that is okay! Thanks for bringing up this topic, it is one that many people can benefit from.

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  2. THIS! THIS! I relate to this so much! I have always been critiqued on being “too nice.” But honestly, screw what others think. Yes, I will stand up for myself when the time calls for it, but I have been taught the golden rule of treat others the way you will want to be treated. Which is something I will not apologize for doing because it is honestly who I am, you know? But I also relate to feeling like a doormat. It SUCKS. Thank you for bringing such an important topic up!

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  3. Thank you for writing this article! I definitely agree with your definition of nice and feel as though I am always going to extreme lengths to make sure everyone is happy. It took me a long time to realize that its okay to say no and not have to apologize for my actions or think that I’m not being a good friend because of it. I think more people need to understand it is okay to say no!

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  4. I love this! I’ve often been criticized for being too nice and for being a pushover. We need to talk about not treating folks as doormats when they have kind personalities. This article oozes self-confidence and a voice for all of us who are “too nice”.

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  5. Reading this article really really hit home for me. In high school I went through a few different friend groups who always seemed to end u taking advantage of my willingness to easily trust, forgive, and love anyone. Throughout all of those groups I had one friend who stuck by me and who I thought to be my soul sister. It wasn’t until I learned how to make better friends and find people who would grow with me instead of using me, that I realized that that friend had been unconsciously using me for my kindness as well. She self diagnosed herself with anger issues and every time she would take it out on myself or her boyfriend of two years, she would just expect us to understand with no apology. I feel like this article needs to e read by so many people because I was taken advantage of for so long and I know that if I found this article sooner in life, I wouldn’t have gone through such hard friendships and states of depression.

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    1. Oh wow well I’m sooo glad you seemed to resonate with it!! I agree that I wish I had this mindset in high school and I think many people struggle with this at that age. Thanks so much for reading!!

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  6. Even though I feel the same way, I think I would rather be nice than a bitch. Yes I may get walked over at times, people may take advantage of me, and I may be a people pleaser, I would rather be known as the girl who got walked all over than the bitch. I would want to be thought of as “oh she’s so nice” “she’ll do anything for anyone”. I think those are really good qualities to have and I wouldn’t want to change that about myself. Even though it sucks sometimes.

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    1. I agree that they are amazing qualities but also it can be easy to let those qualities kind of overtake your life… I think it’s good to learn to be assertive. I’m sure we can still have the best of both worlds without going to extremes. Thanks for your comment!

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  7. One line from this article that really stood out to me was, “the people who have affected have a hard time voicing their opinions on the subject, for fear of upsetting others. Which is actually why I feel the need to talk about it.” To me this explained exactly how I feel sometimes. I feel the need to always say “yes” because “yes” is nice and “no” is mean. But that is simply not true, respecting yourself and others around you can sound like “no” sometimes. For example, maybe you are super busy so that poster your friend asked you to help her with isn’t something you could devote enough time to to make sure it looked good, “no” might be a better answer. Being “too nice” to others can easily lead to being “too mean” to yourself and your mental and physical state.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you resonated with what I said and I agree that people often associate saying “no” to things as always being mean! It’s ok to not say yes all the time and I think we should get rid of this stigma that saying no automatically makes you a mean person. Thanks for your comment!!

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  8. I am so happy you wrote this! I feel like as women we are constantly watching what we say so that we don’t hurt feelings, or make others mad. It get’s so tiring having to walk on eggshells are others simply because they expect us to as girls. It’s perfectly fine for us to have different opinions and not say yes all of the time. This idea that people have for girls to act a certain way needs to go and I am glad that you brought attention to that.

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  9. I find this topic to be an intriguing one. I love the second definition of being nice except I wish it did not say girl I wish it said person, so that it was more inclusive to all. Because being to nice is not just something you can generalize to a whole gender, but it I a trait of a individual. I know plenty of both men and women who are “to nice” so they become pushovers. However, I do not think saying no to anyone is not being nice or being mean to them, but It is just saying you do not agree with them or will not do something. People can be nice while saying no. If someone asked for say my last cookie and I said no that’s not me being mean or me trying to be rude just its my right to my cookie. I fell like most people would understand and not get offended.

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  10. I can relate so much to this!!!!! My grandma says this to me all the time and my entire family always says I let people take advantage of me. I definitely feel like I do not stand up for myself enough and always regret not doing so. I do not have to always say yes or not speak my mind to be considered nice or have it not affect my character, just showing myself a little love. Thanks for this!

    Liked by 1 person

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