I’m a kind person. I care a lot about the people in my life and often find myself bending over backward to help people out.
Some might call me “nice”.
What do you mean by “nice” you might say? Well here’s a textbook definition:
Ok, you’re probably wondering what I mean by all of this. Before I explain I want to give you another definition of the word “nice”, but this time in my own words.
Nice: Someone who has a hard time saying no to people. A girl that let’s people walk over her. Someone who often gets taken advantage of.
So now that we have those two definitions side by side, I can explain myself.
I’m not simply a “nice” person… I’m “too nice”. Often times I get taken advantage of because of my nice exterior and my willingness to help in any way that I can…But years of being the “nice girl” and letting people walk over me has made me step back and realize that I don’t have to go through this. I can still be kind and receive respect from others. I can stand up for myself and still make people smile.
So why am I telling you all of this? This may seem like a personal problem, but believe it or not, I am not the only one who deals with this. Surprisingly this is a huge issue amongst other people(regardless of gender) and it’s something that no one really talks about. No one talks about it because the people who have affected have a hard time voicing their opinions on the subject, for fear of upsetting others. Which is actually why I feel the need to talk about it.
Below are a few tweets that I found with the #peoplepleaser, another word that most people who associate themselves as “too nice” fall under:
Just because I identify as a woman doesn’t mean that I think only women deal with the issue, that all women deal with it, or even that just people that identify as women deal with it. I know people in my life that have no trouble demanding respect, but I also know others that struggle with the same things I do.
I used to think that you couldn’t be assertive and kind. I didn’t think that the two traits went hand in hand and that if I was assertive and demanded respect I would be losing my kind demeanor.
Now I know this to be entirely false. I can still be kind to others and have a voice. I don’t have to internalize all of the hurt and anger I feel until it explodes out of me one day when I can’t handle it anymore.
I strive to be the kind of woman that stands up to people and isn’t constantly apologizing for things and putting others needs before her. I want to eventually raise a daughter that speaks her mind and doesn’t let people treat her like a doormat.
I hope this post inspires someone else who struggles with being “too nice” and encourages them to stand up for themselves. Your voice matters, and it doesn’t have to be put under everyone else’s.