Declassified Guide PresenTs: The dating Life of a Black Women PWI Edition

“Hello Friends and Welcome back” 

Today I wanted to get into the nitty gritty and allow myself to share a few experiences of my own. I feel like I skipped a few steps, so let me reverse and formally introduce myself. To all who do not know. This is my second year here at James Madison and I AM a Black woman. Now I don’t know if you guys are aware but the majority of the student population here is 75% White, 8% other, 7% Hispanic, 5% Asian, and 5% Black. Thus with these statistics JMU is considered to be a Predominantly White Institutions, ( PWI) for short. 

If you are a part of the student race that constitutes the predominantly white side, your vision or experience may be completely shifted and opposite then mine. So today I give you the lens which shapes and shows my point of view. Today you will enter through 2 rabbit holes, up close through the looking glass and experience how it is to be a person of color, or in terms to me, how it feels to be a Black Woman and attempt to have a dating life @ a PWI. 

Are you ready? LETS GO!

First Stop, The Party Scene Ouuu Ahhh

Here in the party scene, you have boys that are a part of club sports, and frats. Their races include White,Asian and African American. Now I know you’re probably confused and wondering why I shouldn’t be ecstatic, take the win, find comfort, and just talk to men within my race. They should be excited to see a black queen right? Well sadly they are not and here’s why, Let me paint the picture for you. 

Now once I step into the party things go one of two ways, here’s the first way 

I walk in with a group of my friends where I am the only person of color, fist pumping music is playing with a hint of Kayne West and a bunch of frat guys roll up behind us. They first ask if we would like something to drink and then attempt to make small talk. 

The conversation proceeds as following: 

“ Hey, what’s your name?” 

I proceed to say my name and ask back “ what’s yours?” 

They then repeat my name to confirm, I then shake my head and they proceed to state theirs 

>> fast forward to the end of the conversation, the last things to be stated include    

“You could talk to any other guy, why me? “ Or “It was nice chatting with you but what’s yourfriend’s name?” 

Or “Are these the girls you came with?” And finally my personal favorite “ I never dated or messed with a Black girl before? 

*Pause* So you mean to tell me that I wasted time out of my life to converse with you just for you to be interested in my friends and not me, or you see me as an experiment to get points from your friends and yet you knew this from the start and decided to use me as a pawn . 

I’m not gonna lie y’all, sometimes I feel like the D.U.F.F, you know the designated ugly fat friend. Or in terms of Barney from How I Met Your Mother, I feel like I’m playing the game of “Have you met Ted?” or in this case “Have you met my pretty white friends?”

What makes it worse is that in addition to that, when music such as Kayne West comes on the N word is going to be present in the lyrics. If you’re picking up what I’m putting down you can imagine where I’m going. Well that’s it!  I’ve heard enough. 

Quickly before transport out of this hole, let’s play the second scenario

<< | Rewind, 

Okay. Here’s what you should see,  my friends and I walk into a frat house this time it is to be kept in mind that we are all Black. ok you got it? Good, ready… set..and Play  

The door watchers greet us: 

“Come on in” they say 

Fist pumping music is played with a little addition of songs like Time of our lives, Shots, Young,Wild,& Free, Mo Bamba, Kayne West, and the classic Hotel Motel Holiday Inn. Later on in the night I find the person on the aux and ask if they could play songs such as No Hands, FNF, Who Want Smoke and so on . 

Now revisiting the demographics of who attends these parties we have young  Black men and y’all here’s the kicker, here’s where the other shoe drops.  99.9% of the time these young men  will look at us up and down, sing songs with us , have a good time and THEN when I perceive to make conversation they chuckle and say “Oh I can’t” and exit’s stage left. 

I’m in a state of confusion I try to brush it off, have a good time and continue to sing and yall why the next time I see them they are over in the corner either dancing on a girl, getting her snapchat, whispering and laughing in her ear and holding hands. 

What is the skin color of these girls you ask??? DING DING!!! If you said White then you are correct. 

Welp I’ve seen enough here, lets try and go into a more promising hole or so you would think. 

Okay let’s go here: The world of dating within the small HBCU of a PWI 

Well what’s an HBCU you ask. It’s the opposite of a PWI, you see HBCU is the shortened term used when referring to Historically Black Colleges and or Universities. Here the majority of the students are Black and even though I attend a PWI all PWI’s have a little home for each  minority.At James Madison we have several groups such as Women of Color, Black Student Alliance, Student Minority Outreach, and African Student Org to name a few. It is equally important to know that we have our own Greek life as well. It’s known as the Divine Nine or (D9) for short. 

I wish we had more time to get into it all but the fact is, there is simply just too much to say. To give a quick summary of what happens in this realm it’s sadly drama. And here’s why,

because we have such limited options everything tends to be picked over that is, athletes, frats, and club members.
Everybody wants them and everybody has them.