Let’s Talk About Sex(uality)!

Hello everyone! Today I wanted to talk about sex… Sexuality that is. Sexuality has become a more mainstream topic after the Supreme Court case Obergefell v. Hodges that legalized same-sex marriage. I wanted to talk about my experience with sexuality, both in my personal and romantic life. This is just my personal experience with sexuality, as everyone has a different experience (both good and bad).

I first wanted to define what the word sexuality means. Sexuality, or sexual orientation, is defined as who a person is or is not sexually, romantically, or emotionally attracted to. It is also important to note that sexuality is on a spectrum, and that sexuality is fluid and can change throughout a person’s life. Some of the different types of sexuality include heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, and asexual. If you want to learn more about the different types of sexuality, click on the link here.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon at Unsplash.com

Now, onto my experience with sexuality. I am a cisgender, bisexual woman. Bisexuality means that you are sexually, romantically, and/or emotionally attracted to more than one gender. Ironically, I discovered my sexuality about a year ago in my current long-term relationship with my gender-questioning, pansexual partner. Pansexuality means that you are sexually, romantically, and/or emotionally attracted to someone regardless of their gender, sex, or sexuality. My partner discovered his sexuality around three months ago. 

I know it might seem odd that two individuals figured out that they were attracted to different sexes and genders when in a serious relationship. That is primarily what I want to talk about today. Let’s start with me. I always knew that I was sexually, romantically, and emotionally attracted to males and men. It was through pornography where I discovered my sexual attraction to females and women. I grew up in a conservative Christian household, so I did not understand why I was feeling these feelings because I was never told that they were an option. Some denominations of Christianity teach that being gay is a “sin,” so I suppressed these feelings for the vast majority of my life. From middle school through college, I would feel sexually attracted to the females and women in my classes, so I knew that I couldn’t hide these feelings any longer. I came out to my current partner about a year ago to nothing but love and support. However, I am not out to my parents, as I do not think they will be supportive due to their belief systems. Now that I understand my sexual and emotional attraction, I am able to learn more about bisexuality and the types of people I am attracted to.

Onto my partner. He was raised in a Christian household, but his parents told him from a young age that sexuality does not impact their love for him. He discovered his sexual attraction towards other genders through the social media app Tiktok. He found creators talking about pansexuality in a positive light, and he started to find creators of other genders physically attractive. He also suppressed his feelings for many years. About three months ago, he came out to me, and I was nothing but supportive of him. He is also out to his parents and siblings, and they were very supportive. 

We remain very loyal to one another. We have been in a committed, monogamous relationship for more than four years. Neither of us has explored our sexuality, but that does not make it any less valid. Just because you haven’t dated or had sexual intercourse with a person you are attracted to doesn’t mean that your sexuality is a “phase” or that you are “faking it.” By me talking about my experience with sexuality, I hope that I can show others that they are not alone and that their feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone tell you who you cannot be. Love is love!

One thought on “Let’s Talk About Sex(uality)!

  1. This was a very heartwarming look into you and your partner’s experiences discovering your own sexualities, thank you for sharing! I especially loved that you included the point that you don’t have to have sexual intercourse to legitimize your attraction/sexuality. When I was starting to question my sexuality in high school there were people in my life who judged me since I had only been with men, and as a result I internalized a lot of shame and still struggle with ‘imposter syndrome’. It makes me happy that ya’ll are in support of one another’s journey of self-discovery ❤ it's reassuring / validating.


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