Stop with Bitchy Jealousy.

I was sitting on my couch thinking about what I’m going to write for my first ShoutOut! Blog post. I had a short list of things I thought to write about, but none of them stood out to me, especially not for my debut on ShoutOut! So, as I was going through my options, my roommates were talking about a girl that was hooking up with one of our guy friends, one that a roommate of mine use to have a crush on. One of my roommates said, “she’s really pretty and super nice”, I agreed. But after that, the roommate that had a crush on him said “yea, but she’s kind of trashy and super loud but she’s cool”. I dwelled on this, and here I am now. 

After doing a lot of thinking and picking apart more of my and my friends’ conversations about other women, I’ve concluded that most of the time we talk about another girl, we say some type of rude comment about her. We do this because we’re jealous. I make fun of girls in sororities all the time, but I do it because I’m jealous that they get male attention everywhere they go, and they can afford to pay the dues it takes to be in them. I laugh at girls wearing chunky Filas, but I do it because I wish I was skinny and white enough to wear them without looking “ghetto” or like I’m trying to be someone I’m not. I tell people all the time “girls are so stupid for spending $100 on leggings”- as in Lululemon leggings. I only say this because I can’t afford them myself, but I wish I could. What I find myself doing the most, is calling other girls ugly, gross, trashy, and slutty. I do this in scenarios when said girl is hooking up with a good-looking guy at a party that I wish I was hooking up with. I say this to my friends and of course they all back me up on it, because they’re probably comparing themselves to that same girl, or some other girl just like I am. In my own personal opinion, I do this so that it helps with my own consonance – the agreement or compatibility between opinions and actions. We’re all told growing up, especially when we start comparing ourselves to others, that “nobodies perfect”. Ok, Hannah Montana. So, when I see a perfect girl, at least visibly perfect, I immediately have to pick her apart. Because there’s no way she can’t have anything wrong with her, right? 

We have to stop this. It’s almost impossible not have these insecurities that our jealousy stems from, but rather than put other girls down in our heads or out loud, reflect on them. Why are you making fun of this girl? Why do you CARE about that girl at all? Reflect on it and change your thought process. Instead of being upset that you can’t afford air force ones that some blonde, beautiful, young girl is wearing, say “I wish I had those, but I’m putting my money towards more important things to me”. Or even, make up some lie for yourself. If you see a girl you want to pick apart, so you feel better about yourself, take a step back from her visual appeal. Think to yourself “Maybe she has divorced parents because her dad cheated on her mom and he’s trying to make it up to her so that’s how she got all those nice clothes”. Just do what it takes to stop that comparison and try your best to humanize that girl. 

You can’t call yourself a feminist if you tear other girls down. Realize that whether or not they have something you wish you had, are doing something that you wish you could be a part of that you’re both women. We’re all fighting this fight together and it doesn’t add credibility to our movement if we stand for raising women up, and all we do is tear each other down. 

3 thoughts on “Stop with Bitchy Jealousy.

  1. This was spot on! I struggle with this a lot myself a lot. However, I once read where your first “mean” thought is where you are conditioned to think but when you go behind yourself and say “dang that was mean” that’s what you really think which is very very relieving.


  2. Thank you for being so honest! It’s really hard to come to terms with our insecurities and projections, especially when people are almost conditioned to tear girls/women down, instead of reflecting on our confidence.


  3. Haha I liked your suggestion to even just make up a story to satisfy yourself! I always get upset when I hear women tear each other down, for the smallest most inconsequential things. Thanks for sharing!


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