Stop telling me I’ll want kids.
“You’re so young, you don’t know what you want”
“Kids are such a blessing, you’ll want them someday”
“Why don’t you want kids?”
“You’ll change your mind”
Hey. Stop that.
First of all it’s none of your business, second, my uterus, my decision.
Why does “mommy culture” keep repeatedly telling me that I’ll want kids? Why is the decision to have them something my peers get to participate in, especially surrounding women wanting/not wanting them? I’m so tired of hearing moms telling me I’ll change my mind, sometimes even the people I consider friends do this to me. Whenever I voice my opinion on the decision to reproduce, suddenly I don’t know what I want. But let me ask you this: if I were to say that I wanted kids, it would be a great decision? But somehow when I say the opposite, I’m clueless as to what I want in life.
I’m a woman actively seeking reproductive sterilization in the United States. Somehow that’s appalling to women who are part of “mommy culture”. I don’t choose to identify with my reproductive ability; I choose to suppress my periods with continuous birth control. I make the conscious choice every day to not identify the very thing that makes me sexually female. When I mention this to moms, I usually get two reactions: “What? how could you want to mutilate your body like that? You’ll regret that someday, think of all the women who can’t have kids!”, and “So why don’t you want kids? Here, look at mine and see how wonderful kids are”.
First of all, the fact that some women can’t have kids is not my problem nor my obligational reason to start breeding. It’s not my responsibility to suddenly start popping out babies just because another woman can’t. And second, just because you showed me pictures of your kids or told me how great they are will not make me suddenly want to breed.
All I want is a Bilateral Salpingectomy and to be left alone. I want to sleep in on the weekends. I want to eat what I want, when I want, instead of waiting hours for a toddler to eat a chicken tender. I want to devote all my time to my partner rather than on a child. It’s statistically proven that having kids reduces relational satisfaction. Think about all the great sex I can have without worrying a kid will interrupt it!
So, “Mombie,” with your stroller taking up the entire line at Starbucks and two kids who won’t stop tugging on your shirt: leave me alone when I say I don’t want kids. Go reevaluate your own life and stop pestering me about mine.
Photo Creds: Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash