Stop telling me I’ll want kids.
“You’re so young, you don’t know what you want”
“Kids are such a blessing, you’ll want them someday”
“Why don’t you want kids?”
“You’ll change your mind”
Hey. Stop that.
First of all it’s none of your business, second, my uterus, my decision.
Why does “mommy culture” keep repeatedly telling me that I’ll want kids? Why is the decision to have them something my peers get to participate in, especially surrounding women wanting/not wanting them? I’m so tired of hearing moms telling me I’ll change my mind, sometimes even the people I consider friends do this to me. Whenever I voice my opinion on the decision to reproduce, suddenly I don’t know what I want. But let me ask you this: if I were to say that I wanted kids, it would be a great decision? But somehow when I say the opposite, I’m clueless as to what I want in life.
I’m a woman actively seeking reproductive sterilization in the United States. Somehow that’s appalling to women who are part of “mommy culture”. I don’t choose to identify with my reproductive ability; I choose to suppress my periods with continuous birth control. I make the conscious choice every day to not identify the very thing that makes me sexually female. When I mention this to moms, I usually get two reactions: “What? how could you want to mutilate your body like that? You’ll regret that someday, think of all the women who can’t have kids!”, and “So why don’t you want kids? Here, look at mine and see how wonderful kids are”.
First of all, the fact that some women can’t have kids is not my problem nor my obligational reason to start breeding. It’s not my responsibility to suddenly start popping out babies just because another woman can’t. And second, just because you showed me pictures of your kids or told me how great they are will not make me suddenly want to breed.
All I want is a Bilateral Salpingectomy and to be left alone. I want to sleep in on the weekends. I want to eat what I want, when I want, instead of waiting hours for a toddler to eat a chicken tender. I want to devote all my time to my partner rather than on a child. It’s statistically proven that having kids reduces relational satisfaction. Think about all the great sex I can have without worrying a kid will interrupt it!
So, “Mombie,” with your stroller taking up the entire line at Starbucks and two kids who won’t stop tugging on your shirt: leave me alone when I say I don’t want kids. Go reevaluate your own life and stop pestering me about mine.
Photo Creds: Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash
https://unsplash.com/photos/HBABoZYH0yI
ShoutOut! James Madison University 
I feel like in today’s society, there is such a big expectation for young women(and women in general) to want to have babies! It’s definitely a personal decision and honestly no-one’s business… I appreciate how honest you were in this. It’s an issue that a lot of people seem to glaze over and something we definitely need to be talking about more.
LikeLike
I am extremely happy that you have spoken about this issue because it is one that I also feel adamant about. I full-heartedly believe that society needs to stop conditioning women cis and non-cis to have children. Let people live! You know? Moreover, I hope you are able to have a bilateral salpingectomy at some point in your life. I wonder what will it take for doctors to move past traditional opinions and transgress to aiding an individual’s want and need.
LikeLike
I am so happy that you made an article abut this and how you feel on the issue. I often felt odd because I don’t feel the need to have kids. Even though I love children and yeah, maybe later on i will want kids. But I do not want them now or soon or at all at the moment. My mind may change because minds always change but I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way.
LikeLike
I feel like most people do change their minds. Right now, as a 21 year old senior, I couldn’t even imagine having kids. It would devastate me. I would be depressed and feel like my life is over. Right now I don’t know if I want kids, but only because it wouldn’t fit my life style right now. I feel like when I get a “real job”, buy my own home, and get married this will likely change and maybe it won’t but that’s okay. I think so many people ask when you’re having kids, because that’s the norm. It’s what you’re “supposed to do”. Unfortunately, most people abide by this. I do think that this is getting better though. Most women won’t ask you when you’re having kids, because there are so many women who can’t have kids and it’s a sensitive subject. I think we just need to be more respectful of people decisions.
LikeLike
This is really powerful! It is completely your decision to do what you want with your body and feel validated and powerful in making that decision for yourself! Thank you for sharing this ❤
LikeLike