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“Daddy are You a Misogynist?”

I was raised by a single mother, she has a white-collar job, and always preached about the importance of being “self-sufficient“. The most important lesson that my mother taught me is that, as a woman, you need to be able to have job where you can support yourself and your children without the help of a man. My mother worked her ass of to give my sister and myself a privileged life. Getting good grades and going to a great college was my way of paying her back for the years of sacrifice. But what about my dad. .  . well, he is a misogynist at heart.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my father, but he does not understand the consequences of his actions on a small girl. When I was younger I can remember playing outside on a Sunday afternoon when I heard a whistle from around the yard, as an obedient child I ran to my father who was whistling at me for my attention. When I got to him he said “Sweetheart go inside and make Daddy a sandwich”, so like any young girl I ran inside got the peanut butter, jelly and made him a sandwich. When I was finished I ran to him working in the yard and gave him his sandwich and before I could turn to leave he said “You didn’t bring me any water? Go back and bring me water.”, so like any obedient child I ran back to get him water; I was six years old.

This was a very common occurrence, if it was Sunday and it was around lunch time, I would go find him working outside and ask him what he wanted for lunch. I never saw this as strange until I was much older.

I have two younger brothers. On these Sunday’s I would watch, feed, and care for anything they needed. I was told by my father that staying inside and watching my brothers was something that “I would need to get use to, if I ever wanted to be a mother.” So, I did as I was told. I would change them, make sure they napped, fed them, got them ready to go to the park if we went (packed waters, snacks, toys and all). I was a “Sunday mother” to two small boys when I was only 13 years old. I was treated as if they were my children. I cared for them, because thats what was expected of me. I was a young girl, it was my job to be a parent. I do not regret a single second of care I gave my brothers. What I do regret is biting my tongue for so long, but when I did speak up it was well worth the wait.

Lets fast forward through my life a bit, to where I tell my father that I want to be a lawyer when I grow up, I am now a freshmen at JMU. He says to me that “You cannot be a lawyer if you ever want to have a husband and children”. I remember sitting in silence in the car for a little, tears forming in my eyes- a lump in my throat so big I couldn’t swallow- when I quietly asked “Why?”. He said that “A woman needs to pick a job that she is able to do. A job that will allow her to take care of her husband and her children. You do want children don’t you? You want a family? You’ll never be able to find a husband that way.” I said nothing. What could I have said? I was old enough to know that you cannot argue with someone who has no reason.

Fathers are suppose to support and encourage their daughters, thats their job. Making sure that their little girls are set up to reach the stars if they want, or at least thats what I’ve been told. Why is it that at such an impressionable age, fathers have the choice to stifle their daughters from reaching their full potential? The “Fathers Empowering Daughters” campaign created and sponsored by G(irls) 20 has created an open dialog which allows for you to share stories of where your father has empowered you, or where he has fallen short. “Engaging men and boys is important and that is what this campaign does“. This is important. The campaign sheds light on the importance of the fatherhood by targeting boys and men alike.

Although your father is someone who is suppose to teach you that the sky is the limit, sometimes he doesn’t. Him not doing his job as a parent should NEVER ruin or inhibit your potential, like it almost did to me. NO ONE should EVER be the reason why you cannot do something! Never give them the chance. . . I didn’t.

10 Responses to ““Daddy are You a Misogynist?””

  1. figgyonfleek

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’d never heard of the Father’s Empowering Daughters campaign until now; it’s a very unique initiative, and a very important one at that.

    Reply
    • Casper

      figgyonfleek,
      Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments! The campaign itself is something that I believe should be brought to light in the community, I encourage you to look more into their mission statement in the link provided above!

      Reply
  2. riseandgrind

    I absolutely love this. Thank you so much for sharing – I’m glad you never gave him the chance

    Reply
    • Casper

      Riseandgrind,
      I am so glad that your enjoyed this piece it is one that has hit close to home for me and I am happy that you enjoyed reading it!
      Casper

      Reply
  3. rosehasathorn

    I am not going to lie, this is truly heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing your story and for being a force if change for the next generation. You will never be doomed to repeat your fathers mistakes and I know that you will help make sure others do not either.

    Reply
    • Casper

      Rosehasathorn,
      Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. The post behind this post was to make a better world for the future generations. My hope is that through this campaign and through awareness that fathers will lift their daughters up and not fall into old gender roles.
      Casper

      Reply
  4. sonder-wanderlust

    This is an amazing post. Like everyone else has said, thank you so much for sharing this story and also providing others who have felt the same way resources to reach out to. Since I only have my own perception of what I know a Father figure to be, this really showed me a different side to see. Children are not an extension of their parents but their own self with ambitions and fears in their own right!

    Reply
    • Casper

      sonder-wanderlust,
      Thank you so much for your support on this post, it was a hard one to write. There are so many different types of father figures and although my father was not the best, my mother was always there to “be the mom and the dad” like she always told me. Children should always have independent thoughts and ideals from their parents and I hope that the readers were able to see how important it is to be your own person!
      Casper

      Reply
  5. theelephantintharoom

    I absolutely love this post and connect to it so much. As a child I also was affected greatly by my dad’s “conservative” mindset. I often was broken down and made to feel less simply because of the way he believe the world should be. I really appreciate you bringing light to such an important topic. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Casper

      theelephantintharoom,
      I understand what its like to come from a “conservative” family mindset and often these types of families are not accepting to new and progressive ideas. I am so happy that you were able to break out of that mindset and accomplish all that you have! I am happy to have brought this dark topic to light and that you have responded so well to it!
      Casper

      Reply

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