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Sex: Are you Positive?

I was first introduced to the idea of “sex positivity” when I stumbled upon the YouTube channel of the one and only Laci Green. If you haven’t already been exposed to the wonder that is Miss Green, then you should definitely do so after you finish reading. I apologize in advance for how obsessed you will be.

Laci and her YouTube videos are a perfect representation of what the concept of sex positivity aims to be. Sex positivity “promotes and embraces sexuality with few limits beyond an emphasis on safe sex and the importance of consent” and the movement “generally makes no moral distinctions among types of sexual activities, regarding these choices as matters of personal preference”. In Laci’s videos, she adopts sex positivity through her completely open-minded and conversational style of talking on a huge range of topics. Her videos have covered issues on relationships, body image, gender issues, sexuality issues, myth busting videos, feminism, virginity, consent, and yes, a whole lot of videos on actual sex acts. She covers a lot of topics and issues that most people have tons of questions on, but which can seem really difficult to talk about at times. Laci breaks down these barriers and gives her audience all the information they could want or need in an easy to understand and comfortable way. And it’s awesome.

Now, you might be wondering why this is so important. We live in a society that constantly publicly bombards us with oversexualized content and media, and one second later will tell us that sexual expression is a bad thing and should be kept to ourselves. This is because we live in what is call a “sex negative” society. This term means that “sex is seen as a negative force except when it is done in the proper circumstances”. We are policed by society to think about sexuality and sex in very narrow ways, because it is what is considered socially acceptable. However, with all the ways in which sex is so prevalent in our media and social lives, having such a narrow view on what is permissible only leads to people developing a whole lot of shame and guilt towards how they feel about their sexuality. This type of world is anything but easy for us to navigate. It’s confusing and contradictory, and just doesn’t seem to make much sense.

We see this shame and guilt reflected in endless ways, and so much of it could be improved by adopting more sex positive world views. Shame surrounding body image, relationships, gender roles, slut-shaming, or fear of not being feminine or masculine enough are just a few ways in which the conversations we have about sex influence how we view ourselves and live our lives. In addition to this, sex education in schools is rarely comprehensive enough for students to have a full understanding of what sex is and how it influences the various aspects of their identities. This can impact students as they grow up without having ever been taught a clear and comprehensive understanding of sex/sexuality fully in high school, at college, or even later in life.

So how can we incorporate sex positivity into our lives? TALK. Talk to your friends, your siblings, your roommates, your cousins! Talk to everyone. Get used to talking freely and openly about these things and do your part to erase the stigmas. Encourage others to do the same by being a good friend and listening when they want to talk to you. Make it a conversation and continue talking until it can just be a normal aspect of life, free from stigma and shame, like it should be. There is nothing about our gender, our bodies, our sexuality, or our identity that we should feel ashamed of, so let’s get informed and start spreading the positivity around! 🙂

6 Responses to “Sex: Are you Positive?”

  1. Maggie

    I loved this blog post because I have been obsessed with Laci and what she stands for since I found her on YouTube last year and I think you hit the nail on the head with what you said. I love how you mentioned that having a comprehensive understanding can have an impact because as an impressionable teenager she basically enlightened me on all these issues and misconceptions that were never once discussed in school/sex ed and has led me to question so many things that are deemed “normal” or “taboo” in society. Also talking about these things like body, sexuality etc. is exactly what I think needs to happen as well! When I hang out with my guy friends they can so easily talk about sex and other things (maybe not always in the right manner but I digress) while a lot of my girl friends become noticeably uncomfortable when such topics are brought up. Just something I thought of when you mentioned it. But yeah, love the post and blog in general. 🙂

    Reply
    • befreeanddrinktea

      So glad you like this! I agree it can be hard to talk about those things with girl friends but that’s what friends are for! We should be able to talk about this stuff without it feeling weird! So yay for sex positivity and thank god for Laci Green!

      Reply
  2. talkinboutmygenderation

    SO glad you blogged about this! Sex negativity is so ingrained in our culture that if we don’t start fighting back with the sex positivity movement, we will get stuck in a culture that tears us down and shames us. A trick that I try to do is to call people out when they make sex negative comments. I often hear the phrase “She gets around” or some equivalent that implies that a woman has a lot of sexual partners. While this isn’t as blatant slut-shaming as other things, it is still implying that a woman should feel ashamed of her sex life. When I hear something like that, I usually counter with “So what?” People usually get a little defensive, but it serves as a good reminder that people’s sex lives are not for others to judge.

    Reply
  3. befreeanddrinktea

    Yes! The little micro-aggressions that people throw around can sometimes go unnoticed or seem like they aren’t a big deal, but I think it’s awesome that you’re challenging what people aren’t realizing is definitely an aspect of sex negativity! I hope it makes people think twice about the real meaning behind some of the things they say.

    Reply

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