As many of you may have heard, one of the most popular gay hookup/chatting apps is called grindr. On grindr, you see all sorts of interesting people, many who are super ignorant. A lot of times, reading a blank profile, I’ll see it saying “Masc for masc only” or “No Fats, no Fems”, and in this post, I’m going to talk about how this is degrading to the idea of being feminine, and how this creates a very harmful place for anyone who doesn’t fit the chizzled abs and beautiful face look.
As a gay male, I have a lot of stereotypes that people think about when they think of gay males. One of the main ones being that gay men have a lot of sex. This app is one thing that enforces this stereotype so much, because grindr is a hookup app for most people. As much as I do hook up with people, it absolutely sucks having to see some of the comments you see all the time from ignorant people on this app.
One of the main comments I see is “masc for masc”. This is a way for a guy to say that he is masculine, and he is only looking for masculine guys. To me, this is complete bullshit. There is not this judge of everyone that decides “oh, you’re masculine and you’re feminine” and it’s ridiculous that they will only look at masculine guys and only because of their outward appearance. For me personally, I don’t think I’m either of those, and just like gender isn’t a binary, masculinity/ femininity isn’t a binary either. I’m not entirely sure why people think this way, but when they say this, it’s as if they are saying being feminine is a bad thing. And that in my mind is saying that if you “act like a girl” (ps, there is no such thing) that they don’t want anything to do with you. In my mind, those “masc” guys are throwing some shade at the feminist movement, and that ain’t cute.
The other main comment I see on guys’ profiles is “No fat, no fems”. I already touched on the feminine part, but now I’m going to focus on the fat part. Even though it is majorily a hookup app, it makes me so frustrated that someone won’t even talk to someone because they don’t have an “Ideal body” in their mind. Also, this creates a super unsafe space for people who don’t fit into the “fit” side that our society has put up. This can be so detrimental to people having to read these comments, and knowing that other people won’t even want to talk to them, just because they don’t have a six-pack.
Even without these comments on guys’ profiles, you will see a lot of pictures of shirtless torsos. This to me is as if they’re proclaiming their masculinity, so everyone can know that they are a “real man”. I decided to try this out once just to see if anyone different would talk to me on this app. As soon as I changed my picture to a picture of me without a shirt and without my face, I was able to talk to so many of the guys’ who wouldn’t respond before when I had a picture of my face. I was slightly intrigued by this, but also furious knowing that some people wouldn’t talk to you unless they knew what your body looks like.
It’s awful that society has put its ideas that gay men are two masculine attractive men with great bodies. We are not all supermodels, and it sucks that tv shows and movies only really show extremely attractive gay men for the most part.
If you’re interested in some hilarious, and some explicit, grindr conversations that have actually happened, there’s multiple blogs including this one who have pictures of them.