Your Source for Feminist Discourse

Don’t Friend Zone Me

I HATE the “friend zone” and not because I am in that situation currently or that I feel bad for those people who are there now.  Nope, I hate it because the whole mentality is really wrong and those who use it as a reason to be pissed kind of come of as jerks themselves.  I mean let’s think about it, the story goes something like this….

“Maaaaannnn, Alice is totally friendzoning me.  I picked her up when her car broke down and since she was having a really bad day I took her out to dinner and I paid!  You wanna know what I got at the end of the night when I dropped her off? Nothing, no kiss, no date, nothing.  Like, she said thank you and told me how much she appreciated me as a friend, but come on what am I supposed to do with that?”

 

Yeah…sounds kind of ridiculous doesn’t it?  Why should a girl (or guy) be obligated to date you or become sexual with you because you did something nice for them?  Isn’t that what being friends is about?  Doing things for another person because you care about them without the expectation that you will be compensated.  And if you are just doing something for your “friend” in the hope that they will sexually return a favor are you even a real friend in the first place? And since you’re not a real friend, you’re not really being friendzoned now are you?

4 Responses to “Don’t Friend Zone Me”

  1. Ms Misantropia

    I also dislike the word and I was telling my partner about this just the other night. Being friends is one of the most important relationships people can have, and like any other relationship it is cultivated by communication, respect, honesty and care. If the guy is just acting the friend part hoping to get into her pants, the whole thing is just a trick – not a friendship. Also, wise up guys! If a girl turns you down, move on! Don’t hang around hoping, only to get bitter and start resenting her. They love to think of themselves as victims of evil hot chicks, “denying” them the sex they so rightfully “deserve” – because they’re so big hearted…

    Reply
  2. lamitrab

    I really enjoyed reading this post because I have heard this “friendzone” term thrown around lately. I have not dealt with this specifically because I have been in a 7 year relationship and I would definitely be offended if he were to ever use that with me. However, I have heard multiple situations in which guys have approached women with this awful mentality. I agree with you 100% that if something nice is done for a woman or man, there should not be anything expected in return. The sad thing is, in reality, people (especially men) do this all the time… they will cater to women through romanticism, money, and time to ensure that they get what they want in the end. It has become a “trap” for women who do not see it as an issue.

    I am extremely happy that no guy has pulled this on me because guys do nice stuff for me all the time and I make it clear that they are in the “friendzone” since they know that I respect my relationship. I am sure that there are many people out there who still expect something even if you are in a relationship. I definitely encourage women (and men) to never feel obligated to return any sexual favors because the moment that people try to cross those boundaries, they are showing their true colors and I most definitely agree they are not really your “friend”.

    Reply
    • imagineherstory

      Thanks for the comment! I agree with everything that you stated. It’s sad that sexual favors have to be on the table for someone to be a decent human being to another person.

      Reply

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