Two words for the same thing, except one is a compliment and one is derogatory. Same actions, different judgements. Nobody sat down and assigned these words on purpose. We just started using them, and it’s “normal” now to call a woman a slut, whore, trashy, and more insulting words for doing the same thing men get praised for.
A guy who dates around, has a new partner every week, and hooks up a lot is considered a player. And his friends would often tell him that with a smile on their face, and he gets admired for it. Nobody around town or at his school whisper about him in the group chat like he did something wrong. He is just seen as “living his life.”
A girl does the same thing. Same number of hookups, same actions, same everything, but she’s a slut. Not “confident,” not “living her life.” A slut. A whore. Trashy. Insecure. So many derogatory names for a girl who is only doing the same thing other guys her age are doing, except she has a bad reputation for it. The word doesn’t just describe her behavior, it judges her as a person. It follows her around her school’s campus in a way “player” never follows him.
These aren’t even two separate insults for two separate things. They describe identical behaviors. Sleeping with multiple people, not wanting anything serious, and possibly being known for it. The only thing different about the two names is one sounds like something to be proud of that your friends look up to, and the other sounds like a punishment.
And it’s not just this one phrase. It’s a whole pattern people don’t even notice anymore.
- A guy who is confident in their actions is a leader. A woman who is the same is bossy.
- A guy who cries is “in touch with his emotions” or a “real man.” A girl who cries is just emotional or dramatic.
- A man dressing for attention is never commented on. A woman dressing for attention is asking for it.
- A man who works late and doesn’t make time for family is dedicated. A woman is “neglecting her kids.”
Every single one of these pairs describes the same behavior in two people, but only one of them gets to walk away with their reputation intact. The other gets insulted.
Here’s why I think this actually matters beyond just being annoying:
Language can do a lot to a person without even realizing it because it’s deemed “normal.” Nobody has to write a rule that says women aren’t allowed to date around. They don’t need to. The word “slut” does that job for them. It’s a built-in punishment that shows up the second a woman steps outside of what’s expected, and it works because everyone already knows what it means and how to use it.
The frustrating thing is that “player” and “slut” don’t even mean different things. They’re opposites in judgment. One rewards the behavior, and one punishes it. Same action, opposite reactions, and the only thing that changed is gender.
Something I learned while writing this blog is what the word “slut” was originally used for. The article “Slut Happens: The Dirty Evolution of a Dirty Word” explains that the term was originally used to describe a woman who failed to keep the household clean or had a messy room. Women got stuck with a label that’s followed the same basic shape for almost 600 years, just aimed at whatever behavior society decided to criticize that century, whether it was hygiene, class, or who you’re sleeping with. It’s a word built to shame women.
The problem was never what women did. Maybe it was that there’s an entire vocabulary to shame women for things society never bothered to build a word for when men did them. We didn’t forget to make an equivalent insult for guys. We just never needed one because nobody was trying to control that behavior in the first place.