THE BIG O-GAP

Today I decided that it was extremely important for us to examine a feminist issue none of us want to talk about. Like ever. Here’s a professional way to explain the…

ORGASM!

GAP!

What is an orgasm gap you say? Let me break it down for you.

In heterosexual relationships, women on average are having fewer orgasms than men — a problem that Dr. Laurie Mintz calls the “orgasm gap”. (NBC Interview)

I wish I could say it was as simple as that. There are plenty of reasons why the orgasm gap exists. There is still a gap in equality between men and women alone.

Women have very different sexual experiences from men in the bedroom. With more than one pleasure spot and more nerve endings visited through external clitoral stimulation, most women will not orgasm with penetration alone, like the way men are able to finish. The truth is, it takes more work for us to finish. We have specific bodies and needs that differ from person to person. It isn’t as simple as thrusting your way to an orgasm. There definitely is a feeling of awkwardness behind it…

Don’t forget the idea that men’s orgasms have historically been more vital to the success of a family – theirs creates the child from which sex is meant to create. Lucky for men, they get an orgasm along the way every single time they do it. Sex wasn’t meant to please women, but to get the job done.

Porn has always shown women having fake orgasms to penetration alone, and this phenomenon shows us that we should be able to orgasm without clitoral stimulation. This is just not true! We can’t blame men, we must educate them and have open conversations about female anatomy. There isn’t a lot of research or education done in school to help men understand the complexities of the vaginal area. It is a beautifully hard subject to master without honesty and practice.

There is a new way we think about sex: as a mutually beneficial, and healthy part of every relationship. Women are encouraged to feel pleasure and enjoy their bodies as much as men. Masturbation is still taboo, but no longer unheard of in conversation. Much female masturbation focuses on clitoral stimulation, where thousands of nerve endings exist at and below the surface, untouched by penetration alone. We have to use the clit!

The orgasm gap is real. Sex is meant to be enjoyed by both partners, not a way for men to release their stress and tension. Women have equal health benefits as a result of orgasms. Communication is key: ask for what you need and don’t be ashamed of how your body responds to stimulation. You deserve to orgasm as much as I do. We all should be experiencing its beauty!

According to a 2016 study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior that looked at over 52,500 adults in the U.S. — including those who are lesbian, gay, and bisexual — 95 percent of heterosexual men reported they usually or always orgasmed during sex, compared to 65 percent of heterosexual women, who were the least likely.

Make sure you’re orgasming during sex. If you aren’t, advocate for yourself and the right person will value your pleasure as much as their own. Fuck the gap!

I’ve always wondered what the real history was behind female orgasms. I hope you readers are self-reflecting on your own sexual wellness and thinking of ways we can support women who perhaps aren’t orgasming during sex. There is a lot of work to be done and conversations to be had, but as feminists, we must advocate for equality not only in general but behind closed doors.