stop calling me a slut

Let’s talk about sex. You heard me. Let’s talk about it. More specifically, Iet’s talk about the shame and stigma surrounding women who like to have sex. What a wild concept, right? That a female, just like a testosterone-driven male, can want and enjoy “it”, too. In fact, there is beauty and power to a woman who owns her sexuality and does what she wants with it. The term “sex positive” is a term we should all be familiar with and I am here to tell you why.

Before we dive in, let’s quickly cover the sad truth about women and sex. Nowadays, men are praised and seen as “the man” when their body counts rise and they get laid. Maybe they’ve been sexually celebrated this way forever. On the other hand, if a woman were to have sex with multiple partners she is shamed and called a slut or a whore (She The People). She’s looked at as used and that she sleeps around. In a world where men and women should be treated equally, slut shaming is certainly a double standard. 

“For so many years women’s sexual drive has been ignored but a man’s has been celebrated. My sexuality helps me build confidence that shows in so many different parts of my life.“

– Annonymous, 2022

Slut shaming is not okay. It never has been. It never will be. It’s a devastating thing that strips women of who they are and discourages them from their natural place in this world as sexual beings. Women can’t seem to escape it and there is a lot of change still needed to break the slut stigmas. It’s absolutely crazy, the shame ranges from a woman sleeping with someone to the clothing she chooses to wear. Fortunately, I know of a tool, almost a societal weapon, that women can embrace to combat the unfair constructs society places between men, women, and sex. That tool is being sex-positive. 

To be sex-positive does not mean you need to be on a sex rampage and highly active in sexual engagement, not even close. In fact, a woman can be sex-positive and not want to have sex at all. The International Society for Sexual Medicine defines the term sex-positive as having a “positive attitude about sex and feeling comfortable with one’s sexual identity and with the sexual behavior of others” (ISSM). Wow. To me, this is everything and more. This shows us that the act of being sex positive encourages one to deeply understand themself, to want to learn about sex and sexual relationships, and most importantly to value consent and safety (ISSM). All these efforts combined can simultaneously break down the current mindset around women and sex. When these types of values and actions are put forth, a safer and more understanding experience can take forth which inevitably becomes empowering.

(Check out this other article on sex positivity, one of my faves: https://psychcentral.com/health/sex-positivity-meaning#how-to-be-sex-positive)

When a woman is sex-positive, not only can slut-shaming attitudes improve, but it opens up a space of safety and comfort within one’s mind. For example, a woman may have a partner interested in sexual acts differing from hers. If a sex-positive mindset is practiced, she and her partner can communicate and accept each other without judgment. When judgment and uncomfortablity are removed from a sexual experience, one can leave the situation feeling confident, safe, and satisfied. 

“It allows women to choose freely to do what they please with their bodies without judgment or implications from outdated social norms and expectations.”

– Annonymous, 2022

So, how does being sex-positive relate to feminism? When a woman is sex-positive, she is accepting of herself as well as accepting of the differing sexual orientations and lifestyles out there. An essence of openness and acceptance shines. This in itself promotes equality and the idea that everyone belongs in this world in a unique way. It also encourages women to explore their bodies and be experimental sexually, to truly get to know themselves in the deepest most intimate way and in whatever way they please. The entire premise around exploration and openness sheds a bright light onto the ongoing and critical argument in today’s world that our body is our choice (She The People). It is a woman’s choice to do as she pleases with her body, her sexual exploration, and with others. Just like men. 

(Here are some ways you can start your sex-positive journey: https://theeverygirl.com/10-ways-to-be-more-sex-positive/)

Photograph Source: Dainis Graveris, https://unsplash.com/photos/xyzgMEglxng, Unsplash License, https://unsplash.com/license