To all the “should and shouldn’t haves” I’ve received and all the things I wish I had said…
“You should have covered up more”
“You shouldn’t get turned on by my knee caps and shoulder blades”
“You shouldn’t have drank so much”
“You shouldn’t want to fuck an unconscious body”
“You should have just kept your mouth shut”
“You shouldn’t have done something that makes you fear people finding out about”
“You shouldn’t have been such a bitch”
“You shouldn’t have an ego fragile enough to be cracked by one polite rejection”
“You should have kept your legs closed”
“You shouldn’t suggest a concept you and your boys brag about doing the opposite of”
“You shouldn’t have been such a prude”
“You should comprehend that I don’t owe you shit”
“You should have known better”
“You shouldn’t have put the blame on me, for the only thing I AM guilty of is being a woman”
“You shouldn’t have put yourself in that situation”
“You should know that it has happened on the street by a stranger, at my job by a boss and in my house by a friend.. So what do you mean by THAT situation?”
“You should have told someone sooner”
“You should have known how much it took for me to finally tell anyone at all”
“You should just forget about it and move on”
“You should know that I wish it was that simple”
In a world where us women are taught to always be on the lookout, always be aware of our surroundings, never be out by ourselves, always bring pepper spray, the list goes on and on. I’ve always wondered how many things have to be added to our women’s “to-do” list before we finally stop and realize the root of the problem. The problem is not in the way I dress or the number of drinks I pour. It is not the amount of men I sleep with or dates I politely decline. It is not the memories I try to push out of my head or the experiences I share in hopes to prevent it from happening to others. It is the men. It is how society and the government has allowed them to get away with these behaviors since the very beginning of time. It is the excuses we continue to make in order to protect their wrongs and scrounge up any possible reasoning for doing so in order to put the blame on us women. It is the corrupt systems and twisted cycles that allow for this to continue with no fear of punishment or accountability at all. I just wonder how many should have and shouldn’t have things I must memorize and follow in order to protect myself from the actions of men. In today’s society, I am not sure there is a number that I can count high enough to in order to ensure that at all.
Are Feminists and Survivors Finally Benefitting from Speaking Up?
Gym Anxiety? Nah, Just Sexism.
ShoutOut! James Madison University 