Get Your Hands Off My Ass: Touching is Assault

**TW: Sexual Assualt References**

Being a college student, I (very) often find myself at parties. I love going out because I see people that I know and it is nice to “let your hair down” with your besties. But there are times when I regret going out. I look back on a night that a part of me did regret going out.

I am at a house party with my friends. It is packed. The music is radiating through the walls. People are sweating. But forgetting their appearance when they hear their favorite song come on. Everyone is almost shoulder to shoulder. As I am saying hello to someone I recognize, I feel a hand grab my ass. I was in shock because this person did not move his hand until I brushed it away. I forcibly grabbed his hand and push him away from me. As I pushed him away, I was silent. I just pushed him. Then, he casually walked away like he did not just violate me.

I do not understand why it is hard for someone to keep their hands to themselves. I could simply blame it on rape culture which enables individuals to objectify the female body. Although I know all the effects of rape culture in society. This violation felt personal, so personal that a concept could not soothe me. It continues to pop up in my mind — Its rape culture, but is it? My feminist mind continues to think about: How one can separate features from the individual? How can someone not realize my humanity? How can someone violate my space and autonomy? To me, these are the basic of respect for another human being.

Looking back at that situation, I am angry. I am angry with the disgusting person that failed to respect my autonomy and violated me. But I guess, I am mostly angry with myself. I do not hesitate to confront others. I do not love confrontation but I know how to defend and speak up for myself. That night, I did not. I moved his hand but I should cussed him out, punched him, kicked him in his stomach or somewhere more “private.” I think back and just get frustrated. Why did I speak up? I froze instead.

I have never felt so small. I never thought this could happen to me in this way. But in all reality, I cannot blame myself. I did not do anything wrong. I went to a party with friends, swayed my hips to the beat and laughed. I tried to enjoy myself and someone else ruined it.

My emotions about the following events reflect how many individuals feel. The regret of not defending yourself enough. Even shame in the event happening at all. I know that I was groped, not raped. But I was still violated. Female identifying folks tend to think about assault in degrees. We think, “Oh, it could have been worse.” Yes, it could have but do not discount how it made you feel.

A stranger still touched my body with a disgusting familiarity he did not have. A stranger tried to claim my body as his own. So, let’s not diminish this. It is okay to acknowledge that this form of harassment or assault hurts too.

If you are a survivor of sexual assault and would like to talk to someone, I would recommend Campus Assault Response (CARE). It is a 24/7 hour confidential helpline. They can direct you to a variety of services on campus or just be an ear to listen to.

One thought on “Get Your Hands Off My Ass: Touching is Assault

  1. I appreciate you sharing such a personal experience about forced sexual misconduct with the public. That is something so brave – something that many femmes who have experienced something of a similar nature, myself included, have not had the courage to do. Breaking the silence is such a huge part of understanding the femme experience, of educating those who cannot empathize with what we have been through.

    I know exactly what is like to experience that feeling of self-blame. Maybe if I hadn’t been drinking as much, if I had been more assertive, if I stood up for myself, maybe I could have stopped it. Obviously my experience was different from yours, but I can draw so many similarities to your thought process. So many of us have internalized the victim-blaming culture. It’s toxic to mental health. But, regardless of the “degree” of your experience, your feelings are still valid.

    xx

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s