The other day a group of my friends and I were talking about sex in Ehall, yep those are my friends for you, and throughout our conversations they started giving me props. To further go into detail about this they were saying I was empowered because I had the ability to partake in a one night stand. My friend says, “You have such balls to just go out there, know what you want and go for it, I put emotions into everyone I sleep with.” For one I don’t really like the expression, “you have such balls,” because it applies a masculine concept to being brave and also shouldn’t women who apply emotions feel empowered as well.
Now I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate what my friend is saying, because I take pride in people accepting my sexuality, but I also think she should commend herself for having her own perspective on sex. Also in this group, I was talking to woman who is a virgin, who said, “Sex isn’t all that important to me, because, well I can satisfy myself.” As I heard both of these women speak, I started to realize that whenever I hear about empowerment and sex, I am always the main theme, because I tend to separate sex from emotion, but I want to change the conversation. I guess in society it has been deemed a good moral choice to have sex with someone you truly care about, but I never hear people say that is so empowering that you choose to think of sex in that way. Also I believe there is a lot of power within a person who chooses to not have sex at all. I often hear people making fun of people in college who are virgins and think they are weird because they have gotten to that level of intimacy, well I say let’s throw away those thoughts. Sex is a different concept for everyone and I believe that also different perspectives should be appreciated and respected. Often when people tell me that they are impressed with the way I treat sex they often talk down their own sexual habits and it frustrates me because I don’t believe there is wrong way of doing sex (as long as there is consent- a positive yes between both parties).
I want more women to be proud that they can’t just partake in a one night stand. I know this may sound odd because well, in society, this is already viewed as a good thing. To come to think of it though, in my conversations, it’s just viewed as morally sound. Marieka is empowered because she’s an aggressor when it comes to sex, but I’m not like this because I cannot partake is some of these actions. To these thoughts I say no, there is something so powerful in saying, hey I think it’s cool if other women want to do these things, but for me, it’s all about a combination of emotion and the physical. And you’re probably thinking, Marieka people already get praised for this and I get called a slut for not applying emotions to sex.
To that, I would say, I have been called many a name for my actions, but I have also been looked up to as this symbol of empowerment. Where’s the virgin’s empowerment or the woman who applies emotion to sex empowerment? My thing is each way, there will be negative comments and positive ones and I just want to support other woman who don’t share my same lived experience with sex. Also I get so tired of people making fun of virgins. Why haven’t they had sex yet? To that I ask, why does it matter. I also praise people who don’t put sex on a pedastul, because in all honesty, sometimes I wish I didn’t hold it to such a high regard. When I was younger, I rushed into the act without really getting to know myself and I do look back on it and wish things were done a little bit differently. I just want to be that voice of support to the many women who already support me. So with that I say, no matter whether you’re a virgin, a woman who separates emotion and sex, or a women who must be sexual with someone you truly care about, feel empowered, because you are making your own decisions about what you do with your own body.