It’s been a week since I’ve seen Janine Latus and her testimony is still at the forefront of my mind. Now the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of partner violence is a man hitting a woman, but the whole concept of partner violence is way more complex then my first assumption. Latus points out that partner violence is not only physical, but emotional and verbal; partner violence is about control. What really scared me about her testimony is similar one of her relationships stories sounded to mine. After Latus got out of a very physically abusive relationship she jumped into another one which would become her husband and then her ex husband. Latus talks about the manipulation and the constant barriers that he would make between her and her family and friends.
Another thing that really caught my attention is how Latus would dress sexier to please her husband because that’s what he had suggested. Suggestions turn into commands and before you know your changing you’re whole persona for the sake of “love.” I use to date this guy in high school and a little bit of college and we had a on and off relationship for five years; this was the worst relationship of my life. The sad part is this person I still claim to be my first love, but he would make me pin back my bangs, straighten my hair, I even dressed in preppier attire to fit in with his clique. All this time I didn’t see the signs of how unhealthy that relationship was until I got out of it. The main reason is because he never hit me, and for me that’s the only time I would ever draw the line. I liked Latus’ stories because it allowed me to analyze my own life decisions and realize that if a person is making you change yourself and saying hurtful things to you then that is abuse.
One thing that I do want to touch on is how Latus no only discussed women who have been victims, but also men. I think a lot of us don’t think of partner violence in those terms, because we tend the view the male as the more dominant one, but anyone in the relationship could desire that control whether it’s a woman or man. This also made me think of same sex partners and how on my campus I feel like there is not a lot of support or resources for these people who go through partner violence.
That may be simply because a lack of knowledge that this occurs. I believe the first step is realizing that this exists. After realizing it exists do some research on how many cases have been reported of same sex partner violence. After do research beyond just knowing this exists find resources on campus(if there’s any) that could help you or a friend get through this kind of situation. I knew that way way back I only thought of partner violence as a heterosexual scenario and could never believe that within same sex partnership that any kind of violence could exist. I remember the first time my mind ever thought it could happen is when I was exposed to a show about a same sex relationship in which one of the women was abused by her partner and I was like woah, I guess this must exist!
Another step would be to just have daily dialogue with you peers to not just talk about partner violence but also the many different dynamics and relationship struggles that are intertwined within the concept. Also I don’t mean to be miss preacher, but if you ever feel like you have ever been through partner violence, talk to someone (when you’re ready). Latus talked a lot about how silence is not golden and how her stories have helped other survivors tell their stories.
