Positives of a long-distance relationship in College

This post was edited on Oct. 27th at 2 pm by letskeepitreal32.

When coming into college, everything is so new and unknown. You have officially transitioned into a new phase of life, and sometimes, that doesn’t only mean leaving friends and family behind. Sometimes, that means departing from your significant other (SO). I am currently in a long-distance relationship, and that term is different for everyone. To me, being long-distance is just being far enough away from each other that seeing each other on a daily basis or weekly basis isn’t always possible. In my relationship, long distance is eight hours away by car or hopefully finding a cheap flight. So why can this experience be positive? 

We always hear and have conversations about the negatives of long distance. For instance, “Everyone always breaks up,” “You never know what your partners are doing… they could be cheating,” or “It’s never going to work; you guys will end up not loving each other anymore,” and so on. While it is a different level in your relationship and sometimes can be scary and challenging, it can also be wonderful and thrilling for each of you and your relationship. I will say.. it always seems that woman have it harder. We get looked at as naive for even thinking both people involved in a long distance relationship will stay loyal. Here’s what I will tell you. IT CAN WORK. IT IS HARD. BUT, IT IS SO WORTH IT!

You’re able to be independent and find yourself. In high school, you always have people around you that you have known for a long time. I call these my comfort people. When you get to college, you don’t have that anymore, which means you have to step out of your comfort zone and find those people for yourself in college. It also means your go-to person (your partner) isn’t always around. Being able to find yourself and find people without your significant other is something you should be proud of. When you can be on your own for a while, you realize how much you can do and accomplish, as well as new things you never thought you would do. Being a woman in a long distance relationship is hard because for some reason everyone thinks you should always be missing your partner, or making sure you aren’t too close of friends with guys, “you can cheat and they won’t find out.” Being indepednent allows both of you to learn new things about each other that you might not have known or find interests that neither of you thought you would of if you were together. Finding yourselves first allows you guys to flourish together. You have newfound goals and interests that you both can now bring to the relationship and do/use when you guys are together again.

You will end up being exceptional communicators with each other. Communication is KEY in a long-distance relationship, or any relationship for that matter. You guys won’t see each other for days, weeks, or months, which is a hard pill to swallow. It also means not knowing what the other is doing, their schedule, or when you guys can talk again. That’s when communication comes into play. It took my SO and I some time to get into a rhythm with things, mainly because, as I am sure you have realized, in college, you’re constantly go go go. What works for others’ relationships might not work for yours; be patient with each other. Communicating schedules, figuring out when the other is free, or wondering what they’re up to is hard. You aren’t face to face anymore. That’s why I am so grateful for technology. You both have to make an effort to inform each other about what is happening.

You will learn each other’s communication style and what works best for each of you. I am not a texter, but my SO is, so that means he will text me his plans. I am a caller, so I will figure out a good time to call and update him on my plan for the day. Of course, things will suddenly come up, and you will either forget to tell them or forget that it was happening, and that’s OK. Just remember to be patient and communicate as much as possible because you both still love each other and want the best for one another. You guys are a team. Since you both will have to communicate so much, you will end up having a leg up when you guys are in person together. You guys will learn how to navigate challenging situations, learn how to talk and compromise, and know how each other likes to communicate which will strengthen your relationship. No relationship has ever lasted with radio silence. Sometimes, it will feel like you’re overcommunicating, but sometimes, that’s what might have to happen to ensure you guys are on the same page.

You will learn that distance does make the heart grow, founder. I have had some lonely times. You fail a test, you and your friends get into a fight, you’re mad at your parents, the dining hall didn’t have what you wanted, or you simply miss your SO. I am not going to tell you that everything is rainbows and unicorns. I miss my SO all the time, and it is also normal not to always miss them because you have developed a life outside of being their partner. But sometimes you need a hug from them, smell them, or hear their voice, but not over the phone. Let me tell you something: all that longing built of excitement and sadness just means the next time you see them will be AMAZING! The first time I saw my SO after three months, it felt like going on a second date with them again. I had been anticipating this day for so long that my body felt like it could finally relax when I saw him again. With every visit, I fell more and more in love with him, not because of what we did when we were together but because of how proud I was of US for what we did for ourseleves when we were apart.

Space allows you not to take for granted your time together or apart. I will say that sometimes everything won’t be perfect, but that means you are human. You guys are developing friends and a life outside of each other, which can be weird. The feeling of not knowing your old partner the same way as the new one can be hard, but don’t look at that negatively; look at it as a positive. You are growing up together and figuring out each other differently. Nothing will always be perfect, but let me tell you, it can be great.

Lastly, you will realize how much your relationship has grown. I am coming up on three years long distance. I have never been prouder of what we have accomplished. We have had rough patches but also the highest of highs. We have gotten in ruts but learned how to get out of them TOGETHER. I can tell you that we aren’t the same people as when we started long-distance. We have grown into ourselves in ways I never thought we could. I am now a senior, and when I look back on all we have been through, I would never say it wasn’t worth it. We appreciate each other in a different light, we communicate better than some married couples, and we know each other better than what I thought was possible. We grew our relationships because we took the time to better ourselves, and in doing that, we developed a strong foundation. I didn’t think we would make it through long distance, but we did because we remembered throughout the rough times why we were together in the first place. We valued each other company, thoughts, opinions, and interests. We are together because we love each other. Love is tricky sometimes, but I will never say love isn’t worth it. Sometimes, being uncomfortable allows you to grow in ways you thought you never could. Long distance comes with negatives, but I believe the positives will be more beneficial if you allow yourself to experience and grow from the negatives, too.