My best girlfriend recently went through a bad breakup and handled it in a way that happens oh too often. She had been seeing this guy for a few months and things were getting very serious. It was to the point where heavy topics like kids and marriage – you know, stuff you’d talk about in a long term relationship – became normal conversation. Everything seemed fine until he started acting flakey and distant. It wasn’t until her birthday weekend that we found out that he was cheating on her with a girl – who lived all the way in Richmond – when this silly boy posted a picture of them on his Instagram. I rarely use text abbreviations in conversations but SMH. That was a real senseless move on his part. Anyway, so of course I was the first person there to comfort her. But, I was taken extremely aback when she muttered, “she’s honestly not even that pretty.”
Wait what? PAUSE. No, yeah. You read right. Instead of calling out this guy that she not only wasted weeks of her life with but who also destroyed any shred of trust she had in him, she decided to lash out on this girl who we knew nothing about.
Maybe in a way it was easier for her to face the situation by not dealing directly with the fact that this guy that she fell for cheated on her. But this is just so appalling. I feel so incredibly disgusted when I hear women attacking other women. To be fair though, we see this happen so frequently in movies, books, and songs so I understand that it’s hard not to think that this behavior is completely acceptable. Especially since the media is kind of telling us that it is okay and completely normal.
I’m sure most of you have seen or heard of the movie Mean Girls starring Lindsay Lohan. It’s not my favorite movie but I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t watch it at every middle school sleepover with my girlfriends. I mean come on, it’s a classic. But although I think it’s a pretty good film, the whole movie is about girls hating on each other and putting each other down just because they could. Now, I know what you’re thinking. That isn’t the message of the story. It was supposed to show how women should be encouraging one another and lifting each other up. And, the main characters did ultimately reach that conclusion but. . . Have you ever heard the saying that the negatives always stick longer than the positives. All these different forms of media that we consume on the daily take us on the same journey that shows us that it’s okay to say thing like, “that girl isn’t even worth it” or “she is such a downgrade” as long as you come to the conclusion AFTER THE FACT that we shouldn’t tear each other down.
The point of this post isn’t to rant about my experience or talk about fun movies. I want you guys to know that it’s time to start speaking up. The next time you see a girl bashing on another, don’t be a bystander. Tell her that instead of being nasty to this other girl, maybe focus on the real issue at hand. That could be the guy in the situation like it was for my friend. So listen up Ladies, let’s not create more problems for ourselves. It won’t make us feel better tearing each other down. So we might as well stand together.