My best girlfriend recently went through a bad breakup and handled it in a way that happens oh too often. She had been seeing this guy for a few months and things were getting very serious. It was to the point where heavy topics like kids and marriage – you know, stuff you’d talk about in a long term relationship – became normal conversation. Everything seemed fine until he started acting flakey and distant. It wasn’t until her birthday weekend that we found out that he was cheating on her with a girl – who lived all the way in Richmond – when this silly boy posted a picture of them on his Instagram. I rarely use text abbreviations in conversations but SMH. That was a real senseless move on his part. Anyway, so of course I was the first person there to comfort her. But, I was taken extremely aback when she muttered, “she’s honestly not even that pretty.”
Wait what? PAUSE. No, yeah. You read right. Instead of calling out this guy that she not only wasted weeks of her life with but who also destroyed any shred of trust she had in him, she decided to lash out on this girl who we knew nothing about.
Maybe in a way it was easier for her to face the situation by not dealing directly with the fact that this guy that she fell for cheated on her. But this is just so appalling. I feel so incredibly disgusted when I hear women attacking other women. To be fair though, we see this happen so frequently in movies, books, and songs so I understand that it’s hard not to think that this behavior is completely acceptable. Especially since the media is kind of telling us that it is okay and completely normal.
I’m sure most of you have seen or heard of the movie Mean Girls starring Lindsay Lohan. It’s not my favorite movie but I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t watch it at every middle school sleepover with my girlfriends. I mean come on, it’s a classic. But although I think it’s a pretty good film, the whole movie is about girls hating on each other and putting each other down just because they could. Now, I know what you’re thinking. That isn’t the message of the story. It was supposed to show how women should be encouraging one another and lifting each other up. And, the main characters did ultimately reach that conclusion but. . . Have you ever heard the saying that the negatives always stick longer than the positives. All these different forms of media that we consume on the daily take us on the same journey that shows us that it’s okay to say thing like, “that girl isn’t even worth it” or “she is such a downgrade” as long as you come to the conclusion AFTER THE FACT that we shouldn’t tear each other down.
The point of this post isn’t to rant about my experience or talk about fun movies. I want you guys to know that it’s time to start speaking up. The next time you see a girl bashing on another, don’t be a bystander. Tell her that instead of being nasty to this other girl, maybe focus on the real issue at hand. That could be the guy in the situation like it was for my friend. So listen up Ladies, let’s not create more problems for ourselves. It won’t make us feel better tearing each other down. So we might as well stand together.
ShoutOut! James Madison University 
Yesssss!! Love this!! If we want to be strong as women, we must support all women! I hear this way too often too, or “you’re so much prettier than her anyways.” Can you really call yourself a feminist if you’re only supporting women that you like?
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I could not agree more. It’s alarming how easy these comments just slip right off their tongues.
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I agree, @auriewalker9205, I think that it’s really easy and quick for women to blame women; and not the guy. It’s become normalized, almost to forgive the man who cheated, but never the other woman. For all we know, the other woman may have been unaware her guy had a girl friend. I am not saying it’s an easy practice, but because of your post we can bring about awareness to this situation and hopefully start a new revolution. Men need to be held accountable for when they make decisions, like cheating. My heart goes out to your friend, but try encouraging her to focus her anger towards the right person, and not waste her energy on someone that isn’t worth her time. It’ll just make her more unhappy.
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Thank you @aphr0dit3, I wanted to do just that, bring awareness to this common situation. Thanks for your advice. I will most definitely continue to encourage my friend, and whoever else this may apply to, to focus their energy in more productive ways. In the heat of the moment this can totally be a struggle but the first step is acknowledging that we do it and it is a problem.
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Preach!!!!!
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Well written! I agree that as women, it is our responsibility to stand with each other, regardless of the circumstances. I’ll admit that I too, have harbored resentment toward the “other woman” in a personal relationship where I was cheated on, but I am a firm believer now that instead of placing the blame on her, I should have held my partner accountable for the choice he made to hurt me. Empowered women empower women!
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Thanks so much @standtallstaystrong! I think we’ve all been there at some point so it’s nice to get that reminder to stand with each other rather than put each other down. I love that last line, “empowered women empower women!” I’m going to add that to my list of favorite quotes 🙂
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This post is really important. I can even admit that in the past, I’ve done this. It’s so easy to just throw the blame on the girl instead of confronting the real issues behind the cheating. Thank you for sharing this, definitely something I’m going to think about moving forward.
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Thanks for taking the time to read this post @godisawomannn! I agree with you. It is super easy to use the “other woman” to avoid the actual problems, so instead of calling people out let’s encourage others to think about this issue. That’s what I hoped to do with this post
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I think this is such an important take. When men are trash it doesn’t mean we can trash other women’s appearances.
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Yes! preach it
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@livinghumangirl
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