“Leave his texts on read, leave his balls on blue. Put it on airplane mode so none of those calls come through,” (Cardi B, I DO). MOOD. Sorry to break your hearts boys, but girls like sex, too. I know it’s this big misconception that we need to be saved, or we are some damsel in distress; but last time I checked, my phone stayed blowing up with all your texts.
Ladies, we are here to discuss all these bullshit double standards that exist in society. My focus today is music being the issue, regarding how men are glorified for their sexual conquests they sing about, but how women get shamed for their expression of sexuality. OH HELL NO. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t hear a song about women’s asses, tits, drugs, alcohol, and sex. Whether that is okay or not, somehow it isn’t okay in the female kingdom. Why is that? Why is society so scared to accept that women desire the same pleasures of men? It is our turn to fight back.
Over decades, though, women have been fighting for their abilities to release their sexual energy; it shouldn’t be this hard. Lil’Kim got the idea in 1996 (!) as she sings, “I don’t want d*ck tonight, eat my p*ssy right” (Lil’Kim, Not Tonight). Lil’Kim straight up tells men how women want it, and she is spot on. Take note, boys.
Men think we want roses, dinner, marriage proposal, kids… Baby, that’s your dream. Nicki Minaj doesn’t want any of that, according to her song, “Anaconda”, she says that she’d “come thru and f*ck him in my automobile,” (Nicki Minaj, Anaconda). It is interesting to note that she says she would be the one doing the task of sex, holding power over him. I think in society there is a misrepresented idea of sex being an act that men dominate women. Especially in an American patriarchal world, male sexual domination is widely exploited. Also, *snap snaps* to Queen Nicki for mentioning how it would be in her car, and not his. Yet, thinking of it now, a pink Lamborghini sounds like the perfect place to get some business done!
Men want us to be both the saint and the sinner, the librarian and the stripper, and I’m here to say; GIVE IT UP. Women are much more complex than those two categories. We are beautiful on the inside and out, due to our brains, hearts, passions, humors, and of course bad-assness we bring to the table. Stop labeling us. Please. The truth is, it is hard being a woman in today’s society. Sometimes we just want to be told that it is okay to mess up, it is okay to be powerful, it is okay to be independent, and it is okay to be sexual.
I believe that is what Ariana Grande is hinting at in her new album. For example, her songs “Thank U, Next” and “7 Rings.” In “Thank U, Next,” she discloses all her past relationships, but puts a twist on her experience with each guy. Instead of letting the breakups tear her down, she sings about the lessons each one taught. She basically thanks each guy for breaking up with her, inevitably, leading to her independence. “7 Rings,” springs off of “Thank U, Next,” as she further explains how she is still able to get everything she wants, without the help of a man. Her verse, “Wear’n a ring but ain’t gon’ be no “Mrs” … Bought matching diamonds for six of my b*tches,” (Ariana Grande, 7 Rings) explicitly states that she is fine not being married, and if anything, feels empowered being single with her girl-friends. I’ll say it one more time, it’s okay being single, ladies.
Ariana Grande got it right.
Flowers? Thank you, next. Diamonds? Thank you, next. Chocolates? Thank you, next. Men thinking that I need them to be happy? Thank you, next. And lastly, double standards in a patriarchal society? Thank U, Next.
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ShoutOut! James Madison University 
Honestly, I see this kind of rhetoric all the time in discussions around white feminism and feminisms about standards. I think this liberation of sex roles is key when we start discussing the roles of power plays within, even. toxic masculinity. We often ostracize men, but fail to question the ways women are adapting these roles to flip the system of gender. This becomes much more convoluted when we look at gender as a whole; and how non-binary and trans folks often don’t even fit into white feminist conversations. This topic is key as a segue into how we talk about roles of gender in society, but I’d also be curious to know how you feel about the roles of all genders in society with the lens of toxic masculinity.
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