Embracing the Uncomfortable

If you’ve ever watched Sex and The City, you’ve most likely associated yourself with a particular character. You may have even take handfuls of online quizzes that have validated you and confirmed that you are in fact Carrie Bradshaw based on your favorite breakfast food.

Although, throughout my time of watching the series, I always found myself more attracted to the lifestyle of Samantha Jones. Sure, Carrie Bradshaw was the main character but, as great as her life seemed, it didn’t nearly attract me as much as Samantha’s did. The main thing I loved about Samantha was that she lived for herself and herself alone. She focused on whatever made her happy. Everyone has their own vision of what their ideal life is and I couldn’t help but be seduced by her independence.

As I’ve gone through my twenty years, and however many years in the dating world, I’ve come to understand that I treasure my alone time. Considering I’m a college student, I’m so focused on my future and how right now is the time to be selfish and live selfishly, that every potential relationship I fall into I jump out of as soon as it’s started. I can’t seem to focus more than an hour or two on someone other than myself and I tend to think of my partners as distractions more than anything else.

A part of me has considered the idea that maybe I’ll be a Samantha archetype and spend my life focused entirely on myself and my career, rather than building a family and honestly, the concept at first made me uncomfortable. Hell, it’s still is a concept that leaves me anxious, but I’ve come to understand that I only feel this way because that’s how, as a woman, I’ve been conditioned to feel by our society.

When people talk about single women, they usually label them as “crazy cat ladies,” even though she might not even own a cat. She may own a dog or a hamster for that matter, but to deem her with the negative connotation of crazy is bizarre to me. As I’ve grown I’ve realized the entire concept is dripping with sexism. Being alone should not be considered negative because a having partner or a child does not mean your life suddenly has value.

A few months ago, Tracee Ellis Ross gave an empowering speech about the concept of living for herself and herself alone. She discussed how even though she is successful in her career, there are still people who believe that without someone to come home to at night, or a child waiting to be picked up from soccer practice, that this makes your life incomplete.

Now, I’m far too young to write off the entire concept of marriage and building a family- you never know how much you can change in a few short years. But I am not too young to understand that if by chance my life does seem to focus more on myself and my career, than that is totally acceptable. If I am happy wherever I end up in twenty years, that should be the only thing that matters.

Who knows, maybe living uncomfortably is the new comfortable.

Living selfishly and unapologetically,

Femme Fatale