I had an interesting experience last night. Instead of binge-watching the rest of “Breaking Bad”, my friend and I decided to immerse ourselves in one of JMU’s finest Saturday night traditions: the frat party. Sticky floors, cheap beer, and loud music. What more could a girl dream of? Oh right, equality. ANYWAYS fast forward to about an hour into the evening and my friend was showing signs of intoxication… She was drunk off her ass. I decided to spend the night playing the role of “team mom” or “cool mom” if you will. Duties of the cool mom? Escorting my gal to the restroom, pumping copious amounts of water into her system, and making sure she didn’t leave with anyone without her full consent.
During our time at the party we ran into a fella who I recognized from middle school. After reminiscing about our time together he began to notice my friend. Probably because she’s admittedly super beautiful. In spirit of my time at prom, I swayed in the background while keeping an eye on the two as they danced. Once the party came to an end I decided to call a taxi to take us back home. However the fella, still latched onto my friend, posed the eloquent phrase: “Hey yo girl, you’re not leaving me behind are ya?”
This is where the story takes a sharp turn. While I had assumed that the gentlemen was, I dunno, GENTLE he began forcing himself into our night. My friend, still inebriated, was in no way capable of consenting to the pretty obvious sexual intentions of my middle school acquaintance. However, he ended up coming back to our apartment complex. Claiming that he lived just across the street I asked if he would mind heading home for the night because my friend (who had confided in me earlier that she was no longer into middle school dreamboat guy) was “not feeling well”. After at least an hour of convincing, in which he told me that he lied about living near us (shocker), I was finally able to drive him home.
During our ride back to his dorm, I realized that middle school guy was pretty peeved at my friend, “I can’t believe that bitch lead me on. She was all over me at the party!” While I’m not a big fan of people who call my friends “that bitch” he was right. She led him on. And at that moment I was struck with a sort of epiphany. While I, the feminist, understood that, even though she led him on, her decision to cease their interactions was totally legitimate, middle school guy was, well… still in middle school. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that, just my friend was flirting with him, she wasn’t obligated to have any type of sexual relationship with him.
I explained this idea to him and was met with a scoff: “What are you, like, one of those feminists or something?” Uh, yah. I told him that I was indeed a feminist and if that bothered him he could feel free to walk the rest of the way home. Maybe it was the power dynamic of sitting in the front seat but he was stunned into silence.
As we approached his dorm, middle school guy was solemn. Eventually he began to ask me what I thought of him after the night’s events. I answered honestly. It’s actions like his, driven by the idea that women are expected to offer sex if the man feels that he has somehow earned it, that contribute to the overall sexual oppression of woman. Still not getting it, or maybe too embarrassed to admit his wrong doings, middle school guy reverted to hitting on me: “You’re a weird girl, I’m gonna take you out sometime” I told him I’d love to go out with him, but only as his feminist mentor. We’ll see how that turns out.
If placed in the same situation, I ask you awesome readers to consider what you would say to this stereotypical college bro. Standing up for your feminist ideals can often be tricky but it’s worth it in the long run.
Turns out my friend didn’t even remember hooking up with middle school guy at all. Probably for the best. She got to have a crazy night and I was inspired by some feminist food for thought- even if it did come at the cost of being team mom for the night.
One thought on ““Bro, what happened last night””
*virtual high five*
Awesome points and way to give this guy a lesson in feminism. Consent can be taken back at any time, and certain actions do not inherently equal consent. Just because someone flirts with you does not mean they want to have sex with you. It’s this type of thinking that gets people harmed (or killed, I mean look in the news about the woman who was killed for rejecting a guy at a bar). The entitlement over women’s bodies is bullshit.
Really great post!