It’s MY Body…Sort of

I recently read an article about “sex-positivism” which is the idea that a woman should be in charge of her own sexuality.  That a woman should be free to have as much sex or as little sex as she feels aligns with her own personal truth.  It encompasses the idea that women should be comfortable and asking for oral sex from their partners, masturbating to figure out how their body works, and overall free to be their sexual selves.  In this I must agree, to allow people, men and women, to express their sexual lives as they desire (of course with other CONSENTING ADULTS) could change the face of our society.  Total sexual acceptance would get rid of slut-shaming, blaming the victim, making fun of “prudish” people, gay bashing,  and the other horrors that those who may or may not be sexually active have to go through.  I wish I could say that I have totally encompassed this total acceptance mentality, but I haven’t and I have caught myself more than a few times judging others based on what I thought were “wrong” sexual practices.

Just a few days ago I was bashing Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, and Rihanna for their lack of female empowerment.  I felt that unlike Madonna and Cher, who first had the own your sexuality in pop music fad, these women were exposing their bodies not for empowerment, but for the male gaze that dominates our society.  Their acts were less about coming to terms with their own sexuality as women, but more of garnering media attention and gossip.  I shamed Miley for her pictures with a known skeevy porn photographer and of course still ranted about her MTV performance.  While I understood it was her prerogative to act in the manner that she pleased I felt that in doing so she had made it that much more difficult for other women to try and be seen as something other than a sex object.   However, this song that I found on Upworthy shocked me when it pretty much called out those who dissed Miley for shaking her ass, as it was her choice, but being okay with other women doing so in music videos produced by men.  It seems to me that Miley wasn’t condemned for her actions per say, if that was the case we would condemn every woman who has ever done it, but rather condemned her for doing it for her own pleasure.  Since, god forbid, that we allow a woman to express herself in the way that she desires.

Even then one has to wonder if it’s self-expression or self-objectification.  Where do we draw the line between the two?  As LadyChaotica21 pointed out earlier in the week it’s not always so black and white-honestly, most times it feels as if you’re deciding between the right shade of gray.  From my sociology courses I know that women who use their body for “power” (strippers, porn stars, even waitresses) are allowing themselves an individual gain, but contributing to a collective loss for women.  We think we’re owning our bodies, that we are just taking control and cashing in on the hand that society has dealt us, but it’s a false sense of power.  We aren’t in control, we are playing the only hand that we’ve got left praying that it’s enough to get us through, and tricking ourselves into thinking that it was a choice.  Ask your average stripper or porn star if they could make the same amount of money doing another job would they take it, and the overwhelming majority will say yes.  If these acts were really about power over our bodies why wouldn’t they stay?

So, where does that leave women?  Is there no way for us to claim our own bodies?  To revel in our own sexualities?  Can we not bare it all without it being construed as solely for the male gaze?  I don’t know, I wish I had the answers, but I don’t.  Maybe you do?  Where can we find our balance?  How can we encompass “sex-positivism” without it hurting the collective of women?  Is it even possible?  Let me know in the comments.