Man, I Feel Like A Woman

*Warning The Video That Is Attached Is Extremely Violent, Viewer Discretion is Advised*

This past week I’ve had two different conversations with two different groups of people about the life of Transgenders, and the difficultly that they face in our society.  Our society, as a whole, still views them as abnormal and more often than not makes no commitments to help make their lives easier.   For those of you who may not know a person who identifies as Transgender is someone who feels that their gender identity (man or woman) does not match their biological sex (male or female).  The degree to which each individual person decides to handle this discrepancy varies some are fine with simply dressing and acting like the gender they feel, some take hormones to get their body to realign, and a small few go through surgery to physically make their body line with their identity.  It is all dependent upon that individual person and how they see themselves and what makes them the most comfortable.  As my inner feminist incessantly reminds me feminism is about equality for ALL people so during both of these conversations I had that inner desire and obligation to remind those that I was with how difficult it can be to live in our society as someone who breaks a norm.

 

The first conversation started when I and a friend complained about how there weren’t gender neutral bathrooms in the restaurant we were at and they did not exist in other places either.  We both thought this was a disservice to those who may not have a clear cut definition of their own gender.  The rest of the group only saw how awkward it would be for the them (non-Trans) to go to the bathroom.  Their objections ranged from “you wouldn’t want a pervy guy spying on you” to “yeah, but women get couches, you wouldn’t be able to have your couches anymore.”  Both of these reasons while valid, okay, maybe the couch isn’t valid, don’t seem to me enough of a reason to object to gender neutral bathrooms.  My friend and I were both of the mind that there is no reason why you can’t  have a single person restroom with a toilet and a urinal that is used to accommodate everyone.  One friend remarked that that idea would be impossible in a large venue setting which is true, but you can’t tell me that there couldn’t be enough room for at least one gender neutral bathroom.  That was when my one friend commented that he didn’t see what they big deal was and that he didn’t think choosing a bathroom was a big deal.  We immediately dissuaded him of that idea, saying that for someone who is Transgender deciding on where they can go to the bathroom can be a nerve wracking experience.  I then told him about the fight that occurred at McDonald’s where one Transgender person tried to go into the female bathroom because that is where she felt most comfortable, but because the two women there knew that she was biologically a male they proceeded to beat her relentlessly.  If you haven’t seen the video here it is, please know it is extremely violent.

The reason I show this video is because this is the life of someone simply trying to be who they feel that they are, yet within our society they are penalized for it.  That woman was doing no harm to anybody and an easy decision that we make every day, for her, is something that can threaten her life.

The next conversation I had was with my roommates, this one was a lot shorter and a little more depressing than the first.  The topic of Transgender somehow came up and my one roommate said, “I don’t get it, you should just learn to be happy with who you are.”  I attempted to explain to him that sometimes “who you are” does not match who you are, and that every person has the right to get those two pieces to fit together in a way that they desire.  The reason why I say this was more depressing is that at least with the first conversation I was able to get my friends to at least understand how difficult it can be to be Transgender in our society.  The latter conversation, however, I was unable to do so because he just didn’t want to talk about it anymore so that the entire conversation got shut down.

As a feminist, I am used to people not liking what I have to say, to people thinking I’m overanalyzing situations, and even sometimes being completely ignored.  However, this will never shut me up.  Though pieces of me are oppressed I also benefit from a great deal of privilege, and what better way than to use that privilege than to help fight for those who don’t get to benefit from it.  I just wish that people could see their own privilege because as someone who is constantly trying to have these deep conversations it’s hard when you get shut down.  It’s hard to be in a situation where people don’t even want to talk about the issue because they feel that it doesn’t apply to them, what they don’t realize is that oppression for one of us is oppression for all of us.  How different would our society be if there were no “gender norms” that men weren’t supposed to dress or act a certain way and neither were women, what would happen if we just let people be?  If we felt no need to promote an outward gender identity, would Transgender people feel the need to change?    Would we even need a Transgender category?  Let me hear your thoughts in the comments!