Becoming a Bro

Bro status: a position bestowed only upon the worthy.  A moniker given to the female that has successfully infiltrated the male camp.  But, what does it mean to become a bro?  I know when my roommates gave me the title that it’s supposed to be a compliment, but it’s hard to get past the slight insult.  It feels like my gender is being erased, I just want to say, “Thanks, I think, but you know I’m still a girl, right?”

So, what exactly gets you to the “Bro” level?  Did I get it because I talk about sex? Am I less than a woman if I talk about it openly and honestly?  Is it because I curse like a sailor?  Is it because I am assertive?  Or rarely wear makeup?  Is it just that my “masculine” tendencies overshadow my “feminine” ones?  Is this what makes me a “Bro”?

Behind the deeming of “Bro” is the hidden idea that I was not as worthy before I had the name.  With this title I have been raised from the muck of womanhood, and can now be accepted by and partake in the gentlemen adventures around me.   I am expected to be a wing man and yet, give them the female perspective.  I am supposed to be a “Bro”, an erasure of my gender, but I am also expected to be a representative of all females.  It is a conundrum that I cannot help but think is an intrinsic part of male privilege.  The dominance of men enables them to have the ability to raise a woman’s status but, simultaneously still view them as “other”.

Do I think that my roommates meant it this way?  No, absolutely not.  It is along the same idea that people who say, “you guys”, “mankind”, and “all men are created equal” do not mean to erase women, but that does not mean that’s not what’s happening.  I know that they mean for it to be a term of endearment, but I cannot help being offended and after consistent exposure this semester to feminist rhetoric and ideas it is hard to ignore the screaming feminist that has developed inside of me.

Before my inner feminist could protest though, at the beginning, even when initially questioning it, I could not help being proud of the title.  Like, “Yeah, I am one of the guys.  I am cool.”  I mean it is hard not to be happy when you feel included with a group, and I am happy that I’ve reached this level of friendship with guys who I think are good and genuine people.  I can’t even lay the entire problem on them and males in general, because there is that spark of pride when I hear that I’m a “Bro”.  I acknowledge that it plays into the competitiveness that is instilled in females under a patriarchal society.  I admit I do feel better than other females, it’s a moment to boast that I am a Bro I’m part of the group, I have more authority than the other women.  And the inner feminist screams and says I am playing into the hands of patriarchy, but I can’t help but wonder….is it okay to want to be both a “Bro” and a feminist?

I still think though, well shit, what if I do something girly like sharing my feelings, or anything else they deem “feminine”.  Will I lose Bro status?  Is it something I can keep regardless or can it be taken away?  Will I quickly fall from grace and end up in the slop of the lesser, of woman?  I get the feeling that this is a trial period, a thirty day money back guarantee, which at the end of it “Bro” status can be revoked and I go back to the being just “the roommate”.  What makes it harder is that the inner feminist is getting louder and angrier over the b.s. that she sees within the patriarchal hegemonic ideology, and the ways that it plays itself out in society.  I can’t help but have her anger be seen in my rolling of eyes, and outright proclamations of the unjustness of it all.  Which makes me wonder; will my roommates not only take away “Bro” status, but label me instead with “Bitchy Feminist”?  Will they censure themselves, not because I’ve changed their minds, but because they don’t want to hear my feminist perspective?  Can I begin to expect nothing but eye rolls and snarky comments whenever I berate patriarchal society?

Unfortunately, I’m beginning to think that this just may be the life of a feminist living with college men.  A constant internal struggle of asserting my beliefs and trying not to ostracize those around me.