The internet has been arguably the greatest feat of science and technology of the past century, but it has a pesky flaw of keeping people hidden in veils of anonymity and often delusion. I’d like to open my first post up by telling a story from my childhood. I hope to then explain why I am a feminist and why it makes sense to me as a man. Through my point of view men new to the concept of feminism can feel encouraged to pursue a new way of thinking that can foster equality and respect for all. Allow me to begin by demystifying myself.
I believe my first feminist experience was on August 31, 1997. Initially, a random date, until I explain my English heritage (2nd gen American on my mother’s side) and the impact Princess Diana’s death had on my life. That day I remember my mom glued to the tiny TV she had in her bedroom, and as details emerged she silently sobbed on her bed. I became emotional at the sight of her and started crying too. She calmed me down and told me of the heroism, kindness and humility the Princess of Wales carried. I don’t exactly remember what she asked after, but I think it was something like what I thought of woman as president or equal to men. I thought about it and if I didn’t answer, “What difference does it make,” I at least said something along those lines, to which she smiled and said I’ll go far in life.
From that point I’ve remained resolute in my conviction equality shouldn’t be exclusive to gender, race or other classifications. This is easier written anonymously on the internet than said in person, as I am a 5’8, white, upper-middle class, 21-year-old, heterosexual, educated man; effectively the face of the majority in our society. If chat rooms were still a thing I’d respond to “ASL?” as “Not interesting.” Regardless of who I am the point is that I am a man; a man who identifies as a feminist.
Wait a second… can you here that? Somewhere, in the distance, a mug carrying black coffee cracked. The needles of an evergreen fell together in a heap at the base of the truck. Rush Limbaugh felt an unsettling twitch behind his left ear.
Could this be? No I must be radical! I must be gay! I must be a bleeding heart, Obama loving liberal! The thing is, I’m not.
When we are young we learn from the beginning to class similarities and differences. Colors, shapes, letters, and numbers are the basics. Some are superior to others depending how you look at it; $1 is less than $100. It’s through this identification though that we open our eyes to the world around us and categorize more and more, eventually hitting race, ethnicity, gender, etc. What makes me a feminist is that I realize these differences don’t make me any greater or less than any other person in the world.
A common oversight with many men who don’t accept feminism is the difference between their mothers, daughters, wives, & sisters and the other women of the world. The bitches, sluts, whores, hoes, and other unnamed expletives that make up the other 99.9% of the women in the world are the unfortunate innocent victims of the misrepresentation (Mom, if you’re reading I’m sorry for the beginning of this sentence). What brought perspective to me might not necessarily be a cure-all for others, but a good starting place is to realize other women are significant to other people. I may not know them from Eve, but I know they are at least the daughters of someone else; they’re different and unknown, but they aren’t immaterial. They matter and deserve the equal love and respect I show to men around me.
Equality is key. It is at the heart of feminism. I, like many other men, want the best for all the significant women in my life, but I also want the women around the world I have little connection with to have the best opportunities too. I’ve been privileged to be born into a world that accepts me for who I am based on my looks and not my character (yup it’s definitely as bad as it sounds but that’s a different issue), but I wish others can feel the comfort and peace of mind I take for granted. Feminism isn’t exclusive to sex, men can and need to be feminists too, if only for the special women in their lives (but hopefully for all women).
ShoutOut! James Madison University 
You bring up a great point in that many men who reject feminism somehow create a difference between the women they care about and the ones they don’t know. You would think that those who wouldn’t want their mothers, daughters, friends, siblings, significant others, and family members treated poorly would want the same for the women they don’t know–yet that isn’t the case.
It is good to see other men who fit the societally constructed definition of “normal” wanting to be identified as feminists. Equality is for everyone and can only achieved by bringing everyone on board.
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Thank you! Yes, it was hard for me to realize at first but after watching how friends treated female family compared to female friends, I understood there had to be some kind of disconnect. It only became more apparent as I talked to them and they expressed radically different levels of respect.
It’s frustrating to start at square one with, “we are all different but equal,” as one would hope our society would have grasped this concept by now, but it’s apparent from my experiences with the men in my life (whom I hope read this post and blog) that some groundwork needs to be established. They are the inspiration for my target audience, those who might be new to identifying themselves as feminists.
I wish my label’s didn’t have to be taken into context, but I’ve come to learn that there are many assumptions and false conclusions made towards men who identify as feminists. Clearing the air and portraying myself as “Average Joe” might help others to identify and alternatively align with the views of feminist thinking.
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This is such an amazing first blog – thanks so much for writing and sharing your story. I also remember the day that Princess Diana passed away and the pain of my mom and other women in our neighborhood – even though they were all Americans, they felt the deep loss of losing an amazing woman, mother, activist, etc. It is really interesting that on that powerful day, you experienced your first “feminist moment.” Princess Diana was an inspiring woman, and I think she would be honored to have that place in your history.
Also, I am glad that you deal with the fact that you are on the “winning” (if it can even be called that!) side of patriarchy, yet you still see the injustices of the system. I am a firm believer that with increased education on women’s issues and a de-mystifying of the term “feminism,” many, many more men would support the movement. John Stuart Mills is one male feminist I suggest you read if you haven’t already – I don’t agree with all of his ideas, but he was one of the first men to vocally express the oppression of women, despite his own white, middle class status. His points about the ways in which BOTH sexes are rewarded by gender equality are especially poignant.
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This is sensational (and witty, and hilarious, and insightful, etc…). I’m especially such a fan of your comment on the “other” 99.9% of the female population. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard my male friends defend their mother’s honor, then call out some “bitty” for being a “slut” because of her wardrobe choices, in practically the same sentence. Uhh, hello? Feminism is about equality, accessible to ALL, not just the women you (in general, not specific) deem deserving of such respect and admiration. Anyway, the fact that you made that point was just awesome.
I love participating in dialogue with male feminists–in my experience, too many gents (and some gals) just roll their eyes at “the F word” and lump all feminists together into this conglomerate of man-hating, bitchy, militant, irrational, and angry women. Feminism isn’t about marginalizing men–if anything, we need to emphasize your inclusion and participation. You made a bold move in recognizing your affiliation with the “winning” side, as Hannah Grace said, but the fact that you’re privy to certain perks doesn’t mean you turn a blind eye to the injustices of patriarchy. And I applaud you for it.Thanks for your honest (and funny) approach. This was a gem to read!
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