I once read that “no man is as anti-feminist as a really feminine woman.” Aside from my love for scotch, Alec Bradley cigars, and all things Quentin Tarantino, I would consider myself to be a rather feminine gal. As such, this line struck a nerve with me, and at once had me contemplating that maybe I wasn’t cut out for this whole “feminism” thing. I mean, I defend equality for women with near-religious fervor, but few things in life make me giddier than a new pair of Steve Madden pumps, a new lip 
shade, or a successful shopping trip to Anthropologie. Cue the cognitive dissonance as the unwavering idea popped into my head: Can I wear lipstick, and still be a good feminist?
On paper, there was never any question that I would associate myself with feminism. After all, I have always advocated for breaking down artificial, institutional barriers to equal participation of men and women in any context. I believe that women should be held in equal regard to men, though I don’t cherish this value at the expense of emasculating my male counterpart. Rather, I disparage the patriarchal notion that woman is subordinate to man; that’s the gist of my brand of feminism.
You may be wondering why I was so self-doubting about my feminist association. Well, even though I had always considered myself a feminist, I started to gather the notion that maybe other people wouldn’t be so inclined to agree. Maybe I just didn’t fit the bill: based on my personal style preference, I’d more likely conjure up the image of a pin-up girl than a “riot grrrl”. What if I was just a poser? What if I wasn’t “feminist” enough? I wondered if my over-zealous femininity would make me seem less credible in the eyes of my sisters, or give the movement a bad name.
I’m not quite sure where I got this idea of femininity and feminism being mutually exclusive, but for whatever reason, it was enough of an (ignorant) notion to provide context for a mini-identity crisis. I suppose I was afraid that because I err on the side of “girly-girl,” I’d be written off as a fraud. How could I rage against the patriarchal values that penetrate (forgive the pun) our society, if I was outwardly playing the part of the stereotypical norm for a woman? In the midst of my insecurities, I was totally overlooking the fact that my struggle was actually insulting to feminism—not by my manicured nails or obsession with the color pink, but by the assumptions I had made about “necessary” attributes of the movement’s followers. By even remotely considering myself a “bad” feminist on the grounds of my feminine attributes, I was reinforcing the idea that “good” feminists are, well, my antithesis: militant, man-hating, anti-feminine, and bitchy. I was unintentionally buying into the distortion of the “F” word, all because of my timid association with the feminist cause.
Eventually, it dawned on me that I was actually one hell of a feminist; I just needed to commit to it. The beauty of feminism lies in its ambiguity, and the movement is, at its core, about liberation and empowerment—though how that is attained is left up to the individual woman. I feel empowered when I put on a pair of high heels. I am most confident when I’m in a fierce dress. If I wake up earlier in the morning to curl my hair, it’s not to get the attention of the hottie in my 9AM class—it’s because I value style as a means of artistic self-expression. I’m not playing this part to win the approval of a man; I’m simply putting my best foot forward (which just so happens to frequently don a peep-toed pump) and expressing myself through my wardrobe choices.
I don’t buy into the conventional standards of femininity because I’m implying acceptance of the socially-constructed, feminine ideal as the one, true standard that all women should strive to achieve. The simple fact of the matter is that my femininity is a part of my self-identity, and to conceal it or dilute it would run counter to the spirit of feminism. Feminism does NOT enact a specific set of criteria for its proponents; rather, it fosters a message of self-acceptance and the celebration of individuality. That is the spirit with which I showcase femme frocks and chic shoes. In short, you can put lipstick on a feminist, but she’s still a feminist—and I’m perfectly okay with that.
*Veronica
ShoutOut! James Madison University 
This is just great. And it’s something that I think many of us struggle with. Nice to know we are not alone.
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Thanks Jennie! I’m glad to know you could relate to the post.
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This is a really awesome first post and introduction to you as a feminist. The idea that a feminist has to look a certain way is an unfortunately successful tactic of those who want to case feminism in a negative light. The sad part is, it really does work. Many people associate feminism with a bad stereotype. The truth is that feminists are everywhere and take on all kinds of appearances. It is always great when people really examine their life in terms of their advocacies.
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Thank you so much! I agree though, it’s such a shame that the stereotype is not only completely off-base, but that it so profoundly impacts the way women identify themselves. It’s frustrating that I struggled with this, and I know other women who have as well. Even if they agree with feminist rhetoric, they’re terrified of associating themselves with “the F word” in any capacity because they don’t want to subject themselves to the scrutiny, or face accusations of alienating men.
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Nice introduction! I look forward to following you as you break down the barriers against achieving your full potential…
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Consciousness-raising is always the first step!
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I love this post – one of my favorite things in the world is doing my nails and recently in my Philosophy of Feminism class we had a debate on whether women do those types of things because society tells them to or because they truely want to – and even if they think they truely want to, is that an effect of the brainwashing of mainstream ideas about gender? We didn’t reach a unified conclusion, but I hate that last idea about “brainwashing,” because I think it takes all agencey out of an individual’s hands and renders them optionless – totally unfair. Women should have the freedom, as you said, to build their own identities. If they want to wear lipstick – awesome. If they don’t – awesome. It’s the same conclusion I came to when I wrote a blog called Don’t Period. about society’s perceptions of he menstrual cycle as “gross” and the manufacturing of pills that make the cycle shorter and lighter. While I think that women should be able to undergo their monthly cycle naturally, without fear that they are “gross,” I also understand why many women would choose to take that kind of pill – IE maybe they are athletes or have extreme cramps. Bottom line in all of these scenarios – IT”S ABOUT HAVING A CHOICE!
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LOVE your comments. As I mentioned in the post, I love my lipstick and heels, but I also love my scotch and cigars. I’d use those contrasting interests as a personal testimony to counter the idea that society “brainwashes” us, or that we’re trapped into behaving in such a restricting manner. In many regards, yes, I align myself with those feminine traits, but I also have interests that run counter to the “womanly” ideal. There are SO many women that are in the same boat! In short, I would agree with you that it boils down to a personal choice. I think it’s totally possible to accept society’s standards incidentally, rather than disparage your self identity when you consider the ways in which you fall short. However an individual chooses to identify him/herself is completely up to them. It’s about being free-thinking and empowered. Thanks for your feedback!
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As a man I used to think that the whole feminist movement was a bunch of “rabble-rousing” by women that just hated men in general.
Then I got my gender reassignment surgery two years ago and all of a sudden I felt like an object instead of a person. All that guys do is stare at my surgically constructed tits all day and think that I’m a “bimbo” because of them.
My new experiences have shined a light on the feminist movement and I am proud to say that I am the newest member of it! I can’t wait until the day that those sexist pigs get what is coming to em!
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Wow, thank you for your comment. Feminism is definitely not man-hating in any capacity–at its core, it’s about empowerment and equality, which should be a human endeavor. Shame that some people have to make the message so difficult to project. Your perspective is absolutely inspiring, and I really appreciate your input!
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I have often wondered about the experience of people in your position, thanks for sharing. Has your gender reassignment opened your eyes to other women’s issues that you were previously unaware of?
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Thank you for your kind words!
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Reblogged this on Feminists of Westminster Unite.
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