The Bitchin’ Table: Why Do Women Complain About Anal Sex?

This week at The Bitchin’ Table, Kaycorbs444 and FemOnFire are confused. Even with the growing sexual liberation of women, it seems that we can hardly go a day without seeing images and commentary that portray women’s sexual decisions as selfish or trivial. When Kaycorbs444 found an image online about the “irritating” denial of “backdoor passage,” she decided she needed to bitch.

Kaycorbs444: So FemOnFire, I came across this picture the other day on Facebook and it really rubbed me the wrong way… there’s so many issues that stem from this one image, and it’s even more upsetting that people can actually laugh about something like this…what do you think?

FemOnFire: Wow, there are an ass-load of offensive components in that image. I don’t even know where to begin. But I mean, to be fair, women do subject themselves to a lot of painful things. What’s the harm in one more, right?

Kaycorbs444: Yeah, all of us getting our ears, bellybuttons, noses, and eyebrows pierced (because we just so happen to like jewelry) should be able to take pain in any form, right? I mean, it’s not like sodomy’s much different than having a cute stud in your tragus…either way girls are both getting something, right? And pain…psh we need to get real, women are supposed to be tough and take it.

FemOnFire: Absolutely! We may not be “tough” enough to be on the front lines in combat or hold our share of political office, but we should be able to handle physical pain at the request of our sexual partners. And being compliant to our partners should be just as rewarding to us as the long-term benefits of a wanted piercing or childbirth are.

Kaycorbs444: Exactly! I feel like that’s the biggest problem I have with this image. In every scenario women are actively making the choice to do something, whether it be a new tattoo, or a new boob job. And whether or not people agree with plastic surgery/ cosmetic enhancement, the woman is receiving the result that she wants. However, when we look at this picture the suggestion is not that women want to participate in anal sex, but merely that they should just shut up and let the man penetrate her, because he really wants it, and she should be able to take a little bit of pain, if she can handle some of these other procedures. And in the end, it’s bullshit, because we all know that if one day we just happened to stop plucking our eyebrows or getting a bikini wax, men would have words for us!

FemOnFire: But Kaycorbs444! You’ve exposed the female secret! Men are never supposed to know that we don’t enjoy the rigorous and sometimes painful beauty ritual that we’re expected to keep up if we don’t want to give up the ‘beauty’ privilege and be stigmatized as ugly and undeserving of attention and respect. Besides, clearly our physical comfort is worth sacrificing for the pleasure of our partners. And if “I don’t want to do that because it will hurt” isn’t an acceptable reason, obviously “I don’t want to do that because it won’t bring me sexual gratification” isn’t either. Good thing we don’t have to worry about being sexually satisfied, just so long as our partners are!

Kaycorbs444: Woops…sorry girl, I forgot it wasn’t common knowledge that we women have to jump through hoops and sacrifice the small pleasures of eating, and not tweezing. My bad. To say just a little more about this irritating pic, is the image the creator chose to use. Could she look any more objectified? Do viewers see anything beyond a semi-naked girl just waiting to be mercilessly screwed from behind?!

FemOnFire: Very true. The dichotomy of the implied sexuality of the image and the message of the text portrays this woman (and, by extension, other women who refuse anal sex) as a tease of sorts because we won’t give in to something that seemingly shouldn’t be such a big deal. Additionally, it commodifies sex, making it seem like women should have sex to appease their partners. According to this image, her desire is irrelevant.

Kaycorbs444: Isn’t it though? She’s a prop in the grand scheme of the male orgasm, and whether or not she’s feeling it tonight, it’s not all that important. I’m sure it probably sounds from this conversation that we’re saying anal sex is wrong and/ or bad- but it’s totally not! I’ve heard plenty of women say they’ve had many positive experiences doing it, and I fully support women who are proactive in their OWN sexual desires and needs. I just want respect for women and their bodies, without degrading “jokes” being made. Plain and simple.

FemOnFire: I completely agree. But until that day comes, I guess we’ll just have to keep on defending our right to pierce our navels and deny anal sex.