I’m not sure what it is that makes men think that if you’re not a girl, you’re ok with them talking about girls like blow-up dolls. The most dramatic example of this occurred when I used to work at the local Pacsun. It was a job, leave me alone. There was a kid that would come in at least once every few days, and would always come up to where we all were working and bother us. There was one girl that worked there that he hit on every day, eventually coaxing her number out of her. Eventually he came in one night, and couldn’t stop complaining that my coworker hadn’t slept with him. He proceeded to call her a bitch, a cunt, and point out that he could just pick up another chick anyways. Instead of blowing up on him, I had to smile and nod, and try to ignore him until he left. This is just one of the countless experiences I’ve had with other men, often times complete strangers, who assume that I have to agree with them about how much of a bitch a girl is, just because I’m also a man.
It bothers me that most men, or enough of them, are ok with talking about women in this way. Old men I’ve never seen before should not be talking about how nice a high school girl’s body is. The objectification of women into sexual objects is nothing new, but I can’t believe that other people are that comfortable with doing so to complete strangers. People seem unconscious of the damaging effects their words have on those around them, as well as their self.
The suggestion that talking about women as if their objects is still ok, as long as it’s ‘just between the guys’ only demonstrates that there is no understanding the problem at hand. A man that acts polite or smooth to a girl’s face, then turns around to the closest strange man and starts laughing about getting in their pants, he hasn’t demonstrated any true sentiments of equality or even common courtesy. By pushing these comments about women on other men, friends or strangers, they are brought into the situation as well and any similar ideas they may have are reinforced. Not only that, but it creates a negative image of men and how men act when it’s ‘just the guys.’
The idea of ‘just the guys’ is already pretty bleak though; the first stereotypes that come to mind are all the guys going to the strip club, scoping the mall for chicks (I didn’t think it really happened until I worked there and saw groups of guys regularly hunting for girls), or the typical dude flick. I can think of no better example of vomit inducing testosterone-fueled cinema than the abominations that are the Fast and the Furious movies. If you made it through the whole trailer, you were treated to cheesy one liners, Ludacris, explosions, car chases, dancing girls, girls kissing each other, and fist fights. If you’ve ever wasted the time to watch any length of any of the movies, you’ve experienced all of these constantly and for extended lengths. Those movies, like the strangers telling me why my coworker is a bitch for not sleeping with him, are frightening indications of what the status quo of being one of the guys is.
ShoutOut! James Madison University 
I really appreciate this post and the fact that you, as a man, are recognizing this objectification and saying something about it. It gives me hope that more men will realize the implications of their comments. As a woman, there are few things more harmful to my personal sense of worth and value then knowing that the men I thought were my friends were all discussing behind my back what it would be like to sleep with me. The duplicity here, where on face I seem to be valued for my worth as an individual, but on the flip side I face degradation because I’m not “easy” is disgusting. The fact that I also face this from men I don’t know is even more upsetting and seems to me to be indicative of a larger societal problem.Thanks so much for this post!
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