Bitchin’ Table: Love, Actually… Not.

Hello, good readers!

Welcome to another Bitchin’ Table, where 2 of your favorite writers tag team a tenacious topic. This week we broke open some Ben and Jerry’s and popped in a Collin Firth movie, then decided it was a bad flavor and casting mistakes were made. That brings us to today’s topic: Feminist Dating. The ever hillarious KillerTofu and Katie.O are bitchin’ about the ups and downs of dating as a feminist in a pretty anti-feminist world as sexual minorities! Yes, it’s a Double-Whammy today at the Bitchin’ Table.

This is our future, if we don’t find someone decent now…

Katie O.

So, KillerTofu, given the patheticness of my love life, I tried online dating for a while. Just guess the kind of crap I found on Ok!Cupid…

KillerTofu
Well Katie O., considering what I’ve found I don’t imagine you have good news.

Katie O.
Basically, a whole bunch of creeps who have the reading comprehension of kindergarteners (not to disparage kindergarteners, that is).
I remember the day before the Stewart/Colbert rally alone I recieved… I think it was 12? messages from various men asking to meet up for casual sex. Despite the fact that my profile explicitly stated that I was not looking for casual sex.

KillerTofu
Haha, having an OK!Cupid account for 2 days (AS A LESBIAN) I have totally gotten 3 seperate requests to help “open minded couples” explore other aspects of their sex life.

Lesbian =/= Weird Courtesan

Katie O.
But wait, isn’t the point of lesbianism to help couples improve their sex lives? Because lesbians are also attracted to men, right?
Makes total sense to me.

KillerTofu
Yeah, I mean I was going to do a sex tour of the Eastern Seaboard targeting my key demographic, voyeuristic straight men 18-45, but I just couldn’t get a rental van.
Who knows, maybe next year boys.

That’s the thing though, is that no matter where I am in a public space I feel like fodder for male fantasy.

Katie O.
God, I totally agree. As a bisexual woman, I have the impression that my sexuality is pretty much meant to feed straight boys’ masturbatory fantasies about threesomes with women they could never actually sleep with.

Katie O.
Which was quite evident from some of the messages I was sent during my short time at Ok!Cupid.

KillerTofu
Oh don’t get me started on the number of “Pro-Life Lesbians” I found.

Katie O.
…does not compute.

KillerTofu
I didn’t think people who abstained from sex with men could have an opinion on straight women’s reproductive function.

Katie O.
Well, from what I can tell, everyone gets a say about women’s reproductive freedom! It’s a free for all! Unless you actually want to exercise your choice, that is.

Katie O.
Speaking of, this summer I accidentally dated a libertarian, who believed in less government regulation, but in restrictions on abortion.

KillerTofu
Wow, he couldn’t be more of a walking contradiction if he were a republican with a gay sex scandal.

::Drum Roll-Cymbal::

Katie O.
Well, it makes sense, given that women aren’t actually people or citizens, or anything. Needless to say, I nipped that in the bud after the second date.

Katie O.
Jaclyn Friedman does a great column called “fucking while feminist.” But, despite reading that like it’s the Bible, I still find dating while feminist to be next to impossible.

KillerTofu
Absolutely, that’s my biggest problem with online dating.

Katie O.
One guy I dated wanted to walk me home, you know, to spend more time with me or something, and my reaction was a very Frye-esque, “you think I can’t walk myself?”

KillerTofu
hahaha. You are so spicy.

Katie O.
Or, in other words, destined to die alone.

KillerTofu
Indeed, it feels like being a feminist with actual convictions has damned me to bingo nights with lonely wine night caps.

It’s hard to articulate feminism without tripping those convenient wires that seem to scream “crazy” in people not familiar with it.

Katie O.
Agreed! And at this point in my life, I have barely any patience to explain it. So I just try to weed out anyone who is not liberal or a feminist, but that leaves a weirdly small dating pool.
Usually because despite the liberal thing, they still like Fight Club.
Which is an automatic disqualifier.

KillerTofu
It’s a little bit of sexism too though, right?

Women shouldn’t have strong opinions like that.

Not ones that get between them and their TRUE LOVE.

There is also this expectation that we can have different politics and date, which probably stems from the believes that our lives outside of voting are completely apolitical.

Katie O.
Absolutely. I read somewhere (MotherJones, I think) that misogyny is the last really acceptable bias of the left, and I really agree with that, to a certain extent.

Honestly, the idea of dating someone with different political convictions is bizarre to me! Politics and activism are so crucial to who I am, I could never discard them or put them aside for another person.

KillerTofu
Exactly, a core aspect of feminism is essentially everything we do is a political action. What we eat, wear, how we talk, sex. All of it.

It seems ridiculous to me to think that politics/life are somehow entirely separate entities.

Katie O.
I mean, women are supposed to stay in that kitchen and make a fucking good pot roast, so they have no time for politics! I think that sometimes people just don’t know how to react to a political woman, and that includes other women.

KillerTofu
Is there any hope Katie O.? Will we be sexually frustrated old women who punish our neighbors with passive aggression?

Katie O.
Well, that’s been the plan since childhood anyway, so…
But really, dating while feminist is really hard, in my opinion. Which is why I deleted Ok!Cupid and have just decided to live my life and see what happens, because I figure something good is bound to happen, right?

KillerTofu
I mean, it might be for the best that we are discerning people, I know a lot of people who get into relationships with people they don’t know or really seem to like.
And it takes a certain kind to even be a feminist right?

Katie O.
Right. So let’s take Michael Kimmel’s advice and go to feminist conferences so we can get laid, and I think it’ll work out just fine!

And here’s a little bonus Liz Lemon with her “settling soulmate”, Wesley Snipes.

One thought on “Bitchin’ Table: Love, Actually… Not.

  1. Bahahaha. Hahahaha. Haha. Still laughing. Snaps to you ladies on an excellent Bitchin’ Table. Also, snaps to Katie O. for trying OkCupid… I tried it my freshman year (hey, one of my good friends met her Harvard-educated boyfriend there!) but alas, only some good ole’ Southern boys (cough, boys who think the Confederacy was wronged) were to be found within 30 minutes of Harrisonburg… maybe I’ll try again when I graduate and move to a more liberal part of the state. Regardless, great post!

    Like

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