I’m Not Sorry

As a child, it was very important to my mom that my siblings and I have good manners. I’m very grateful she taught me them at a young age but as I got older I started to notice that I very frequently found myself saying sorry for EVERYTHING.

I’m late, I’m sorry. I sneeze, I’m sorry. Could you repeat that, I’m sorry. 

You probably also do it so much you don’t even notice. Well maybe I just have extraordinarily good manners, what’s wrong with that? It’s not bad, but apologizing unnecessarily can give the impression that you are taking on responsibility for things that are not your fault. They can also perpetuate gender stereotypes and contribute to a culture of second-guessing.

Women tend to say sorry A LOT more frequently than men, even when they have not done anything wrong. While saying sorry can be a useful way to apologize or show empathy, constantly saying sorry for every little thing can lead to women being perceived as lacking confidence and assertiveness and that is exactly what we don’t want to do.

Aim to be mindful of your apologies and save them for situations where they are genuinely needed. Instead of apologizing for inconveniences that are out of your control, you can express gratitude or empathy without taking on blame or fault. By doing so, you can communicate more confidently which can lead to greater respect and success in personal and professional settings!

Another thing we need to normalize is not accepting apologies. Just because someone apologizes doesn’t mean you are obligated to accept it. I just found this out recently when a friend of mine did something extremely hurtful more than once. She had apologized multiple times, and I forgave her every time because I kinda figured I had no other option. The next time she ended up apologizing I told her that I didn’t accept her apology. I’m so over being the bigger person and having people walk all over me because they know I will forgive them. Like I said before we should only accept apologies we feel are offered genuinely and appropriately. Personally, I am training myself to become more confident in holding people accountable so I am not susceptible to mistreatment in the future.

This culture of women apologizing for everything and accepting everyones apologies gives people the impression that women are responsible for managing other people’s emotions and behaviors. This is a big contributor to victim blaming and can lead to women feeling guilty or responsible for things that are not their fault.

We need to consider the context and intent behind apologies before accepting them. If an apology is insincere or does not address the harm that has been caused, what’s forcing us to accept it? It’s always appropriate to hold someone accountable for their actions.

Ultimately, we should strive to set healthy boundaries and communicate our needs and expectations clearly, rather than rely on apologies to resolve conflicts/repair our relationships.