The Ugly Side of Self Care

People think self care is always face masks or lighting fancy candles while you take a bubble bath. While theres nothing wrong with that and it can be all of those things, I’ve found self care to be a bit more ugly with some struggle. Self care for everyone is different, but through this time in quarantine I’ve found that for me self care is reflecting. Reflection through healing, emotionally isolation, having daily talks with myself, and so much more.

Over the past few years, things have happened in my life that I never had the time to fully heal from. Deaths, break ups, events from my childhood, and even losing best friends. Break ups suck, but have y’all ever had a best friend break up? Those hit different. These things have unintentionally shaped me throughout the years. They’ve made me seem quick tempered or standoffish. I’ve always heard that I was like this, but I never knew why I was. After his time of reflecting it’s made me realize that I’ve been hurting for a long time and I’ve never addressed it. It sounds weird, but getting sadder allowed me to get over my sadness.

So, I realized this one after I watched the Demi Lovato documentary which SLAPS and I highly recommend. After her rehab she broke up with her boyfriend that had been there for her for years. In the documentary she said that it absolutely crushed her but she had to do it because she relied on him so much and she had to learn how to be happy on her own. I felt that on a whole other lever. I’ve found that I’ve always been emotionally reliable on someone. Whether it be a boyfriend or even a best friend, I’ve always depended on someone for my happiness. It was like as long as the person I cared about was happy then whatever Im going through or feeling doesn’t really matter, so I constantly went out of my way to make sure they were good. After realizing this I thought right now, since we’re in isolation, it would be a perfect time to emotionally detach from people I usually relied on.

OK, let’s be honest. We all talk to ourselves. Whether it be you’re in the shower or in the mirror, it happens, but talking to yourself intentionally is therapeutic as hell. Lately, I’ve been talking to myself a lot about accepting myself and my current state. Accepting things that have happened, disappointments in my life, or things that may or may not happen. Accepting things now will allow me to grow later.

There’s not an exact way of doing self care. There’s not a checklist that everyone uses to feel better. Self care for everyone for everyone is different. Following what I need during this time is MY self care. Do whatever is best for you.