So you can flirt, but I can’t?

So while enjoying my daily dosage of Friends before bed, I had come across this scene of Monica and Chandler. The scene is in regards to the couple arguing about Monica flirting with other men. Hearing Chandler’s character and response to this argument made my mind begin to wander. And so I ended up in a place wondering where and why things should be so different between women and men in regards to flirting? Who is to say that women cannot harmlessly flirt, but men can?

In the scene of Friends, Chandler tries to express the difference between men and women when flirting, with what is allowed and not allowed for a woman. Chandler’s character makes his point by telling Monica that all men take women’s flirting as wanting to sleep with them and that it will almost always result with the wanting of sex. I thought that this comment was infuriating for that fact that he is subconsciously addressing the idea that “women ask for rape”. The statements like, “she was asking for it”, “she was throwing herself at me”, “the woman was such a flirt so I gave her what she deserved”, have been continuously said for many generations by men who have raped and/or sexual abused women. Men have told themselves that a woman who is dressed somewhat risqué, or flirting with him at the bar almost always want to have sex. The even sadder thing is that when the women tell these men NO, they find the justification that their forcing them is acceptable….BUT IT’S NOT!

This abuse and taking advantage of women and their bodies has been a hidden notion that men have/are continuously telling themselves is acceptable. What ever happened to going out to a bar for a few drinks and having some flirty, yet friendly conversation? What happened to respecting, honesty and courtesy? With movies, TV shows, and media displaying such ideas of force and lack of consent, our society is learning that these horrid acts of sexual assault are acceptable. Although this scene from Friends is upsetting at first when seeing how Chandler is hypocritical about Monica flirting, I think his explanation is a comical explanation of our society’s truth about men, and their misunderstandings for a woman’s flirty personality.

So how is it men can basically lick your face at a bar or on the dance floor, but women must watch neck line, attitudes, and eye contact when trying to have a good time out with their friends. The roles are too unequal, that it blows my mind! It should be that both women and men can have the option of flirting it up with whoever they want, wherever they want, and whenever they want, not that ONLY men can. When I say “only men can”, I do not mean this literally. I mean that women can flirt as well, but there are much greater risks and expectations that follow the flirting of a women, versus a man.

So ladies, let’s get dolled up, put on our favorite dresses, and flirt the night away. I wish I could say this with confidence as a young woman, but I still find myself sleeping with one eye open and looking over my shoulder… maybe one day this can all change. I am looking forward to the day when I can feel confident, sexy ,and SAFE, all at the same time.