Lookin’ Good, Girrrrl

*Warning:  some foul language is used in this post and in one of the images.

Last week while I walked to work in downtown Harrisonburg, a group of men in a truck drove past me, honked, hooted, hollered, and whistled quite obscenely at me.  My initial reaction was one of fear—I quickened my pace to the law firm where I am an intern.  The subsequent emotion was infuriation.  Taking the mature route, I decided to vent to my Facebook friends in the form of a very pointed status:  “To the assholes who felt compelled to shout and whistle at me on my walk to work: if you don’t want your sister, mother, or daughter to be treated like that, you probably shouldn’t treat any woman that way at all.” 

The status was quite visible—it got 51 likes, almost exclusively from women.  What was interesting, though, was the reaction from the men who commented on my status.  One wrote in, saying, “You’ve got to take compliments when you can get them.”  Another asked what the problem was—if a girl whistled at him, he would feel complimented.  He wondered if this was a “gender thing,” to which a woman replied, “yes, it’s totally a gender thing.”

As a disclaimer, I’m not vilifying any of the folks who commented on this status.  I don’t disparage anyone for taking a different approach from myself; rather, I commend them for challenging my politics, and giving me something to chew on over the past few days.  That being said, I wondered how I could convey a few sentiments to raise awareness about this gender discrepancy. 

For starters, I’ll elaborate on the background to my initial reaction.  I mentioned that I was automatically inclined to be afraid when a car full of guys in a not-so-nice part of town were coming onto me as I walked along in a skirt and heels.  Why?  These gestures are not construed as innocent flirting or sophomoric compliments (but really, since when has that been the appropriate way to get a gal’s attention?).  They’re threatening.  While a man may feel his ego stroked when a group of women drive by and honk, a woman is likely to feel scared in a similar scenario.

The reason behind this discrepancy is a little term called “male privilege.”  No, this isn’t me bitching about how my life sucks because I’m a woman; it’s a legitimate rationale.  I had a pretty insightful conversation on this topic with ImagineHerStory, and she provided me with the following justification:  a man has the privilege of walking outside without the constant fear of being sexually assaulted.  Women, on the other hand, have to take extreme precautions on a daily basis.  Covering up, walking in groups, carrying mace, pretending to talk to someone on a cell phone, and holding your car key between your index and middle finger in case of an attack are just some of the ways that a woman prepares herself from the “mundane” task of walking from a restaurant to her car.

This absolutely carries over to how a woman and a man would react to the earlier scenario differently.  Whereas a man being whistled at  by a woman is comparatively innocent—perhaps even complimentary—for a woman to be subjected to this entails many more implications.  A woman unfortunately has much more to lose, and as such, this sort of behavior is intimidating.  Sidenote, I don’t think whistling is an appropriate way to get a man’s attention either, but I’m going off of the gentleman who said that he finds it complimentary.  But I digress….

On another note, I find that if a woman were to make a pass at a man, it’s normally harmless and done with innocent intentions.  She might whistle at a guy she finds attractive, but what are the chances of her coming over and overpowering that guy?  Slim to none.  On the other hand, these men that drove past me shouted, hollered, honked, caused a scene—it was BLATANT, unwanted, objectification.

There’s nothing wrong with expressing an interest in another individual.  You can express this attraction, but if that individual turns you down, you should respectfully retreat rather than progress.  If a man were to make a pass at me or express interest, I would inform him that I have a partner, and, like a normal human being, he’d get the hint and moveon.org.  By contrast, these men violated every norm in terms of flirting, and removed my agency as a woman who would have denied their passes.  In other words, their overt disrespect basically screamed “screw you, I’m going to sexualize you whether you want it or not” (and who the hell wants that?!).  So, no, it’s not a compliment, and I shouldn’t have to accept it if I don’t want to.  That removal of agency is exactly what spurred my secondary reaction of a pissed-off, Spanish woman who was going to talk about this with as many folks as possible.

As much as I hate to say that there is a gender discrepancy, in this case, I whole-heartedly agree that there is.  My gender is NOT grounds for sexual harassment (yes, that’s what it’s called).  Rather, the men that think this sort of vile behavior is okay need to recognize the overt sexualization and objectification that go along with it.  I shouldn’t have to “accept it as a compliment”, and it sure as hell isn’t something to joke about.  It’s disrespectful and dehumanizing behavior.  Rule of thumb?  If you wouldn’t treat your mother, sister, or daughter that way, you shouldn’t treat any woman that way at all.

This topic was clearly a point of interest for a number of folks on Facebook, and I want to open up the discussion for my readers.  What are your thoughts on the matter?  Are there any other reasons that you feel contribute to this discrepancy?  Holla at me on the comment section below, or on Facebook.  I’d love to hear what you have to say!