So, I know that it seems obvious that sexism could rear its ugly head anywhere at anytime; but I found it extremely surprising to encounter it yesterday while playing the nerdiest online card game, Dominion. To preface the “situation,” maybe I should take the time to explain the game to the non-nerds in the house. It’s a card game where you buy action and money cards to eventually buy more victory cards than your opponent. I know…I know…I have really reached a new form of geekdom. Geek or no geek, there is a chat feature enabled for the online version and that’s where it all went down.
For your viewing pleasure (not so much), I actually saved the chat so we could have this conversation. I’ll be honest here. I did not exactly behave myself during this chat. Don’t go crazy, I wasn’t off my rocker. I just know I should have acted differently because what I said was completely unproductive (lol, you’ll get that joke in a minute). Initially, I really didn’t want to post the entire chat because I thought it would make me look like an idiot. And it might, but I think it’s more important that we talk about this because I have a hunch that other people have experienced this:
16:11 me: hi gl
(Standard nerd intros, hi good luck, etc. I know…I know….)
16:12 productive employee: hey bro u 2
16:12 me: not a bro
16:12 me: but thx
(I had to say it.)
16:12 productive employee: this brolesness troubles me
16:12 productive employee: vexes even
16:13 me: so the fact that i am not a male vexes you?
16:13 productive employee: i didnt know they had internet in the kitchen
16:13 productive employee: omfg i dont mean that it was just funny
(So, this was my first, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?, moment. Call me silly, but why would you even go there with a complete stranger?)
16:14 me: yep and you should resign this game for being patriarchal
(This was my first, Damn., moment. Normally, I try to ease the tension and get rid of the bullshit by making witty retorts but I was so taken aback that I couldn’t think of anything! I mean, this is Dominion. What about the nerdy higoodluckhavefungoodgame decorum???)
16:14 productive employee: brochriarchal
16:14 productive employee: bro’den your horizons
16:15 productive employee: the good
16:15 productive employee: the bad
16:15 productive employee: and the bro
16:15 productive employee: scent of a bro
16:15 productive employee: Bro, she wrote
(At this point, I couldn’t stop it. Obviously, he was on such a roll….)
16:28 productive employee: gg
16:28 productive employee: the patriarchy wins again
16:29 productive employee: hows that glass cieling must hurt
16:29 me: haha
16:29 me: ur hilarious
(Again, more of my intelligence beaming….)
16:29 productive employee: nah jk
16:29 productive employee: gg tho
16:29 me: go fuck yourself
(Now I got ‘em…NOT.)
16:29 productive employee: u play well
16:29 productive employee: for a girl
16:29 productive employee: ;d
16:29 productive employee: omg im just kidding tho
(Why keep saying that if you’re going to keep going?)
16:29 productive employee: i dont mean it at all
16:29 productive employee: my mom is a woman believe it or not
16:29 productive employee: im fond of women
(Pretty sure this is a “he” at this point and I’m also sure that if “he” acts like this all the time, women aren’t very fond of “him.”
16:30 productive employee has returned to the lobby.
(fin.)
So, first thing’s first. Did you get my productive joke??? Un-productive, productive employee? Get it?
Anyways, more importantly, I’m still in shock. Productive Employee is by no means the worst form of patriarchy in the world or that I’ve experienced. But, the venue…Can I go nowhere to play a game without encountering this nonsense? This sounds escapist, like I’m purposefully trying to avoid sexism so I go out of my way to alter my daily life. This is not the case. I’ve been playing this game for awhile now and I almost forgot the existence of the potential for this kind of issue. Maybe I gave this game, and its players, too much credit? I don’t think I ever assumed that the reason I wouldn’t encounter sexism amongst nerds is because they’re nerds. But, maybe there was a part of me that did? Maybe somewhere I thought that wouldn’t happen because we’d all unite in our nerdiness and just play the game? I don’t know. But it’s interesting to think about.
I think a lot of times, I can be too critical of others without being self-critical. And, I don’t want to say it, but I should have better thought about this situation. That sounds dreary though, doesn’t it? I’m essentially saying that I shouldn’t assume patriarchy will be absent from any area of my existence. I should always expect it and be ready for an issue. Really? That doesn’t seem right, does it? Can we never fully relax and not worry about sexism?
Having said that, I know I should have acted better as well, duh. Practically everything I said, besides hi good luck, was a) horrible and b) not what I really wanted to say. But, I was on the Internet. I could have taken infinite time to come up with something to say. So, why was I so tongue-tied? I have gotten rather good at quelling sexism in other areas (except Call of Duty, that’s a whole different issue…), so why would an online game of Dominion be any different? I think the element of surprise really did get to me. It’s easy to defend yourself when you know what’s coming. But, a surprise attack is just that, a surprise. But, this goes back my previous question of whether or not we can truly be “off our guard” when it comes to sexism.
I hate to feel like we’re engaging in a 24/7 battle but this incident gave me a different perspective. What do you think?
ShoutOut! James Madison University 
Haha wow this guy sounds like a winner. I think you’re right in considering the whole element of surprise, it’s tough to react appropriately when you’re caught off guard like that. With that said, I think it’s better to have said what you did than to have not said anything at all. What this whole situation made me think of is what the internet lets us do. This is clearly a space where this guy can make sexist comments to you with absolutely no repercussions. I think online spaces function as a kind of fantasy land because they give people a sense of safety (clearly this guy wouldn’t feel safe saying those things to you in person). With that said, I think that you can’t say those things and be “just kidding” (as he claimed to be) once it’s said, it’s meant, and there’s no taking it back. I think that sadly, your experience is proof that sexism is everywhere, and it’s difficult to avoid it–but at least you didn’t let him get away with it.
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