I had the most fun at a dinner party last night and it provoked some excitement and thought that I would like to share with you all. Once a month I attend a dinner that we plan for the women in our ministry. We go to the home of an older woman of God and just fellowship with them and absorb so much about life in general and what that looks like as a woman growing in Christ.
This month was a real treat as we met with a woman who is a wife, mother and homemaker. She just shared with us her journey and transition from a working woman to a housewife, and I found it fascinating. She told us that in her heart of hearts, she knew that when she had children she would want to stay home and take care of them. So, when she was pregnant with her first child she was faced with this desire, but was unsure whether the finances of her household would be taken care of. Her and her husband prayed and really took a step of faith by having her stay home and it turned out that her husband’s salary increased so she was able to stay home. She said that she loved it, but that the only issue was the lack of social interaction with other people. After listening to her story, I was not too surprised about her distress with the lack of social interactions because this is a woman who is very vibrant, outgoing and loves to talk to people. I thought it was really cool that her transition was so great, but it made me think about myself, and how I really feel about being a housewife.
Being in the domestic workforce, better known as being a housewife or stay at home mom has such a negative connotation. Being a housewife tends to mean that a woman gives up her career choices to become a loyal wife who stays home, barefoot and pregnant addicted to couponing, and is usually thought to be unhappy with their treatment in the home because of the lack of work their husband puts into maintaining their home outside of the finances. I am convinced though that there is definitely more to this. Being a housewife according to our hostess is having the opportunity to play a huge part in the personal affairs of the household as well as being deeply invested in the lives of their children. Being a housewife is such an important role, and honestly not all women can do it. Talking to our hostess last evening gave me a glimmer of hope that this housewife thing could be good. I am kind of on the fence about the issue, because I am such a busy body. The negative image that has been painted into society has skewed my thoughts about the issue, and in past years has made me really want to rebel against the idea. I never wanted to be the woman who was stuck in the house being like those women I heard about. However, as I get older and am actually in a relationship, I think I have some type of understanding on the issue.
I would love the luxury of not having to physically go to work and being able to enjoy my household and take care of my children one day, but I have a slight concern of what it will fully look like. I know that the work done in the home in a lot of ways trumps the normal working class so I know that I would definitely have my work cut out for me. Would it mean that I would always be a housewife? Would I be labeled as one of “those” women who are miserable and bored inside of the house? Or would I absolutely love it? I am not sure what this will look like for me when I hit that bridge; but even though I am not married I really can see the need for the woman to be home with her young children. I think about the influence that the mother has in their lives and that in my eyes is beneficial to the growth and development of the child. I will say that this style is the most efficient when the responsibilities of the home as well as the care of the children are shared between both parents. I thank our dinner hostess for giving me some light on the situation. I think that as women we have come along in the evolution of women throughout history, but no matter what a woman chooses for her career/family life; my hope is that they are happy with themselves and their decisions.
I wanted to keep the name of the dinner as well as the hostess anonymous in this post.
ShoutOut! James Madison University 
I really enjoyed this post, and I”m so glad to see it on Shoutout! I think oftentimes the feminist movement gets misconstrued as anti-housewife (probably thanks to Betty Friedan), and while I am sure there are sects of feminism out there that do completely oppose it, feminism to me has always been about choice and it’s nice to see this one highlighted. Even though I plan to get my PhD, if I do have children I will stay at home with them at least until they are in middle school. My mother cut back her workload for my brother and I so she could be there for us and I want to do the same for my (possible) children.
I am also glad you brought up the fact that being a housewife does not mean doing nothing. Studies have been done that show even working women do 70-80% of household work http://www.pobronson.com/factbook/pages/278.html#181 and spend something like 60 hours a week doing it. I don’t think people realize that it truly is like having 2 jobs. And while women should be encouraged to live up to their full potential, for some, this is a way of expressing that.
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I thought this was really really interesting! And I agree, the stereotype of a housewife is many times untrue, which is a pretty standard misrepresentation as far as stereotypes go. But, I do think there is weight to the negative aspect of solely being a housewife because it makes you financially tied to your husband, rather than having the economic freedom and being able to establish yourself in an occupational field.
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For some, giving up that freedom is a choice they are happy to make. My husband handles all our finances, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I trust him to make most of our financial decisions and to seek my input on the big questions. Your post seemed to imply that being financially tied to one’s husband is an inherently bad thing, and I don’t see it that way at all.
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Kelsey. Thank you so much for your comments on my post. I apologize if that implication was made because i agree with your post. I am not married, but I think that when I do get married that my husband will make the financial decisions. I do not think that being financially tied to to one’s husband is a bad thing at all, because when you marry you become one. I also had to be honest when I said that there is a small measure of fear in relinquishing complete control, but that will have to be something that I have to deal with when I get there. I think that it is more so that as a society, it is looked at as a bad thing because it has been used as a tool of oppression over the years. As I said in my post, I think that every family is different and that everyone should do what is best for them.
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Something related to this discussion, that hasn’t been brought up, is the different ways men and women contribute in the household. I think it is telling that when men contribute to the house, it is generally in activities they find pleasant or enjoyable. When the man does help inside of the home, they tend to avoid the monotonous activities, like doing the dishes or cleaning the floors. Instead, they tend to focus on handy jobs like working on their car or fixing something around the house. They do activities that are unique and enjoyable, leaving the boring stuff for their wife.
I think there needs to be an emphasis on sharing the house work, and not just superficial sharing where the man does laundry once and is done, or is only involved in house chores that they can enjoy. This is especially true since this divide of household labor exists even when both parents/spouses are working.
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I do agree with this, i’m all for the “division of labor” in the household. But, why should the man/husband definitively be the financial holder of the household? Why already assume that its always going to be that way, or that even though you are not married now when you do get married it will inevitably be that way? I think this acceptance and assumption is faulty and intrenches gender norms.
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I think the issue of who controls finances is interesting to examine. In my family, my mother handles all the finances because quite frankly, my dad has no idea how to budget. That being said, I think this is less a question of WHO budgets, the wife or the husband are both perfectly valid options of course. The real question is WHY is it that a lot off assumptions are based on the man automatically being the one who controls the finances in a family or a marriage? I even find myself doing this sometimes, just assuming that the man makes the financial decisions when in reality this could be the complete opposite of the truth. The bottom line to me is less about whether or not that particular scenario is bad, and more about the common assumptions in terms of financial control in relationships.
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More than anything, it is not an issue of assumption for me that my future husband will be the financial head because of norms in society, but more so becasue I know that my current boyfriend is better at managing finances. I would feel more comfortable with him handling the finances not because he is a man, but because I don’t want us to be broke. I agree that the assumption that the men will take the financial responsibility is something that has been embedded into society. I do not really know what the best solution is for the problem is, but I refuse to try to defy the norm and be homeless in my case. Everyone’s situation is different and I think that it is necessary to look at that point of view as well. What works for one does not always works for all.
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I honestly can say that I have tried to be a homemaker for almost a year and I think that it doesn’t work for everybody. I am constantly worrying about if the bills are getting paid on time or at all. The only chore that my husband had is mowing the yard and we’ve had mutiple warnings about it. Its not that we don’t have enough money for us to do this, is that he is just irresponsible with his money. Also we agreed on this before hand, about me being a housewife. And he acts like all the money he makes is his. Can”t take it anymore have to get a job.
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