Mythbustin’ Mondays: Age(ism) is Only a Number.

Do people ever call your mom a MILF? (Mother.I’d.Like.to.Fuck – for those who haven’t been corrupted by this term)  Either your friends think she’s hot, or they don’t. Whatever your response may be, let’s assume you find your mom attractive. You’re probably repulsed by the idea of your friends wanting to fuck her. Why do your friends want to fuck your mom? Because she’s young looking. She probably even looks like you. (Maybe not, if you’re a male, but I’m not here to make heteronormative assumptions..)

Regardless of whether your friends want to sleep with your mom or not, you think she is attractive. If I’m wrong in this assumption, you better start looking into plastic surgery because chances are, you’re going to look like her. Ha. Well, in any event, I think my mom is pretty. I’ve never heard any of my friends call my mom a MILF. Why is that? Because she is 54 years old and looks 54. She looks like a mother that has been working all of her adult life and raising children since she was 30. She’s not ugly. She just looks like a Mom. What is wrong with looking like a mother? Men make us feel like we’re on this Earth to procreate, but as soon as we do we’re damaged goods. Even the 16 year olds on Teen Mom can’t get dates because, albeit 16 years of age, they’re damaged goods. “Her vaginas all stretched out and floppy now from pushin’ out a 6 pounder,” my male friend told me matter of factly, during an episode of Teen Mom. Actually, with some good kegel exercises, your vagina will be the same as it was pre-birth. Mythbusted.

Now back to the point. Why aren’t women seen as attractive once they’re in there 30’s? They say 40 is the new 30. 50 is thew new 40. And so on and so forth. Why? Because women are trying so hard for that statement to hold claim, physically speaking, due to an internalized feeling of ageism. What’s ageism you ask? Well, this should help you: Women NEED to look 10 years younger. Unless, of course, they’re under 21, then they NEED to look older. Ageism does not only affect older women. Teenagers definitely get hit hard with the ageism stick.

College and post-college women are in their prime. They will never look as good as they did when they were in their twenties. And because of this patriarchal society that we live in today, looks are everything. A woman won’t make it in this world if she’s not good looking. Valedictorian of your class? Sorry ladies, but that doesn’t mean shit if you’re “not good looking.” An interview with a shallow man is half the battle, anyways, is it not? And who gets to define what good looking is anyways? To each their own, I say. Everyone has their own taste, but if you’re a woman, you need to be the right flavor at the right time. Especially when trying to land a job. Or really anything that could give you opportunities in life. Qualifications hardly matter, unless your competition is other old people. But if you’re old and there’s a hot, young, blonde floozy applying for the same position, your chances are slim, honey.

What is it about old women that make people feel like they’re useless and frail?

It is possible that it is the fact that they’re no longer fertile as I’ve mentioned before. If women’s duty on this Earth is to procreate and child rear, then once she’s old she really has no reason to be here. Unless, of course, she has taken on the “Grandmother role.” Grandchildren need their grandmothers. They babysit whenever the parents need them, they give the children money when they’re old enough, etc. Grandmothers have a purpose. But besides that, there’s really no point for a woman to age. Once she’s 65+, she’s entirely too useless for society.

Of course women don’t want to get older. Society makes them feel like they’re no longer necessary in this world. Women can’t do anything after the age of 60. Myth. Let me show you some women who have proven otherwise.

Betty White. 89. Won SAG on first nomination. Last night (January 30th)
-> Alright, maybe not the best example. Being an actress isn’t “man’s work,” after all. Though she has hosted a game show, been a comedian, and written books, as well. But if she hasn’t changed your mind, here’s someone else who may have.
*Coretta Scott King, at age 60, organized Mobilization Against Fear and Intimidation; rejuvenated Coalition for Conscience.
*Mother Teresa, at age 60, received John XXIII Peace Prize from Pope Paul VI, which she won because she helped the poor, looked after the sick people and gave them a roof to put over their heads. She took people that were dying in the streets and put them in houses so that they could die in tranquility.
*Rajo Devi Lohan gave birth to a baby boy at age 70. Oops, guess you can have children after 50.
Myth.Busted.

Oh, and because I’m disgustingly obsessed with this woman: Meryl Streep is 62 years old and is very accomplished. She can do anything, really. Act, sing, write, win academy awards and golden globes, receive a degree from Yale. You name it – she can do it. She’s perfect. Talent is hot. Meryl Streep, at 62, is, indeed, a MILF.