1 in 4

After a week long writer’s block, it was only the night before my post was scheduled that a paper I did my freshman year come to mind. I ponder over of why I never thought to use this for a blog before, but as I think more and more, this topic was hard for me to write the first time around.

I have never been a victim of sexual assault, but I have many, many girlfriends whom I love deeply, who are victims of it.  Some of which are students at JMU.  Friends who are intelligent, lovely humans.  And yet, freshman year I sat with almost 10 girls over the course of one week, interviewing and listening to their stories. They were young women living in fear and with grief.  These next stories are stories of some JMU female students.

Of my ten girlfriends I interviewed, 7 of them have encountered either at a party, on the drunk bus, or walking to parties, males taking their hands and fondling my girlfriends’ breasts without consent, while asking for oral and penetration-sex.  Similarly, guys have placed their hands on female’s vaginas in public and without consent by the males placing their hands up these females’ skirts and dresses.  Or vice versa, where guys will take girls hands and place them on their “crotch”.  On one occasion, one of my girlfriends’ hand was grabbed and forced down an unknown males’ pants.

Recently in this semester, I spoke with one of my girlfriends who within the last month became drunk one night and blacked out.  She woke up, naked, lying next to a boy she knows she would never give consent to.  To this day, she has continued to push back the date of when she will visit the JMU Health Center for a medical check-up.  She is numb to the unknown, and she fears what will become known.

Another friend I still have to this day, I interviewed freshman year.  Her story at that time consisted of her at a JMU work party.  My friend had become overly intoxicated that night and had gone to the bathroom to re-cooperate.  She sat on the tub with no acknowledgment of someone following her in.  As she turned to see who it was, a co-worker had placed his hand on her head and forced her mouth upon his penis.  After her body gave away from her frozen position, she immediately left the bathroom and began to yell what he had done.  Individuals at the party thought she was lying, and kicked her out. Leaving her drunk and alone on the street to fend for herself.

Another JMU female student one night during her freshman year, began drinking at her dorm and soon after, left for Southview apartments.  At the party there, she further became intoxicated to the point of passing out.  She scarcely remembered the course of the night, however, vividly remembered being forced into a bedroom.  She remembered the sound of a door being locked and a coercion of forced intimacy on an unknown person’s bedroom floor by an unidentified male.  She yelled, but the music was too loud.  She kicked and punched, but he was 6’5″ and 250 lbs.  He continued to fondle her and would give her pet names, stroke her body to calm her down, and when she rebelled from his caress, he beat her.  This young woman, she was raped at 18 and left on the floor when he was done with her.

Facts:

• 1 in 4 females will be sexually assaulted before graduating college.
• In the state of Virginia, a person cannot give consent of sex while incapacitated.
• 80-90% of assaults occur under the influence of alcohol.
• 90% of the victims knew the offender prior to the assault, called Acquaintance Rape.
• After a victim has checked into Rockingham County Hospital, Citizens Against Sexual Assault advises the victim that there is a grim chance the offender will be convicted and punished.  Therefore, if victims proceed with the prosecution, there is a high risk of blaming the victim causing shame, and the victim being ostracized.
• JMU students feel safer than other students at schools such as ODU, VCU, or VT since the community is smaller here, therefore, rape and assault are not at the forefront of female students minds.

Women are not commodities, women are not property to be mutilated, assaulted, raped, blamed, and shamed for others pleasure.  Women have sovereignty though patriarchy and its schemes do an impeccable job at blurring it.  It is not simply unfair, inhumane, unjust that these occurrences happen.  These acts violate any goodness a victim has, not only raping them physically but raping them emotionally, and mentally.  But there is hope if we can talk about these experiences in detail and empathize with victims, as long as we provide a safe space for them to speak about and grow from what has happened.  We cannot ostracize victims, blame them, shame them.  There has been enough of that, it is time for these experiences to come to an end, and help those whom patriarchy has affected most.

If you or anyone you know needs someone to talk with or advice, please contact: JMU Sexual Assault Services.

If you need an appointment for a medical check up or need medical advice, please contact: JMU Health Center

If you need counseling, please contact: JMU Varner House

Remember you are not alone.