Over the summer I wrote this response to a particularly heinous article from Cosmopolitan Magazine entitled “10 Sentences He’d Be Psyched To Hear”:
Cos·mo·pol·i·tan
-noun: a person who is free from local, provincial, or national bias or attachment; citizen of the world.
Now color me biased, but I find it pretty hard to believe that many writers or readers of Cosmopolitan Magazine could fit this description. Any woman ignorant enough to offer up or read ridiculous articles and “sexposés” (yes, this is an actual term used by Cosmo) bent on urging women to educate themselves on “His #1 Sex Fantasy” or the “Sex He Craves” doesn’t exactly make my list of possible “citizens of the world.”
In fact, it seems that women who feel compelled to write or read such rubbish are actually quite idle. These women are confined to a particular region of thought where patriarchal values, sexism, exploitation, domination and abuse are commonplace; where they feel as though their main purpose in life is to please a man, where they scarcely let their true voices be heard.
But, I do pity these women because of their obvious complacence with such thinking. When I say that these women are idle, I realize that it is their ignorance that keeps them this way. They are quite content carrying on like this; advising one another to “improve” themselves for the sake of a man, or even for the sake of competing with each other. In reality, they are a far, far cry from being real cosmopolitans.
A genuine cosmopolitan would surely not be interested in writing or reading the same monotonous pieces about sex or “self-improvement,” which certainly evoke self-deprecation. A genuine cosmopolitan would seek something significantly less binding, and certainly more diverse. She would crave intelligent, informed and liberating writing to occupy her time with. She would be aware of and familiar with the notion of feminism, with the idea that women can help themselves to break free from the oppressive, sexist ideas found in Cosmo’s articles.
These writers and readers of Cosmo—so-called “cosmopolites”— have yet to become truly familiar and comfortable with such ideas; and as long as they remain this way, they will continue to churn out and consume these degrading articles, and continue to keep themselves under house arrest.
Inspiration for this rant came from this precious nugget of information…
10 Sentences He’d Be Psyched To Hear
(From http://www.cosmopolitan.com)
1. “Boy nothing helps me wind down after a long day at work like giving you a blow job.”
2. “More of my homemade jerky, darling?”
3. “Ooh, it makes me so hot when you explain the intricacies of baseball’s infield-fly rule.”
4. “It feels like you’ve put on a lot of weight…in your penis, I mean.”
5. “Mind if my girls’ volleyball team showers at your place?”
6. “My dad offered us his luxury box at the stadium, the use of his private jet, and access to his private Bahamian island— if you’re interested in those sorts of things.”
7. “Other people may call it a porn addiction, but I call it being totally normal.”
8. “That pile of laundry isn’t going to do itself…which is why I’m gonna do it!”
9. “Who the hell is Robert Pattinson?”
10. “Here’s an issue of Cosmo— why don’t you look through it and mark everything you want us to try.”
ATTENTION: If the absurd nature of these little snippets of “advice” has caused you to double over in laughter or possibly even wet your pants, collect yourself and remember how many women take this shit seriously. It’s a tragedy.
Sadly, it appears that Cosmo is at it again.
In the November issue of Cosmo, the “Love & Lust” section includes an article called “Your Top Sex Fantasies Analyzed.” If you didn’t already know, ladies, Cosmo KNOWS what your sex fantasies are and why you have them.
One of the fantasies the article breaks down is “Being at a stranger’s mercy.” I don’t know about anyone else, but this sounds a bit like rape to me. “Why it revs you up: Imagining that a guy is dominating you is the number one fantasy for women, say experts. That’s because we often feel like we have to keep such tight control over every aspect of our lives, so the idea of him taking control is a relief.”
I’d like to meet the “experts” that are determining these statistics.
“How to use it: Feeling totally out of control would be scary in reality, but you can give your guy a visual cue that will inspire him to take the lead. When he’s on top, raise your arms up behind your head and cross your wrists as if they were tied.”
Translation: Rape is both scary and illegal, BUT, you can let your guy have a taste of the revolting, ego-boosting power-trip he can’t have legally by rendering yourself bound and helpless. Yay! Best girlfriend ever!
Once again, I pity the women who actually heed the ridiculous “advice” found in this magazine. Every other article is focused on learning “how to please your man.” What about pleasing yourself? What about focusing on what makes you happy? Oh Cosmo, you are a constant reminder of why feminism is still so very relevant and important in our society.
P.S. On a lighter note, HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE! 🙂
-Lauranium
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