More Than Someone’s Girlfriend

I’m no stranger to having a crush. The thrill it brings me, from texting the person I like and knowing there’s a possibility they feel the same, and then going on a first date. I love the title of “girlfriend”, mainly because it makes me feel more secure in what I am to my crush, but overall, I love love, and it’s not a secret. 

I’ve been a girlfriend before, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed an interesting trend that I don’t see many people talking about. People referring to a guy’s girlfriend as “so and so’s girlfriend” as opposed to referring to them by their actual name. Maybe it’s not intentional, or maybe it is, but I know I, for one, hate it. It’s as if all of a sudden these girlfriends are suddenly stripped of their identity and just become someone’s property, for lack of better words. Although I adore my boyfriend and I’m happy to be his girlfriend, that’s not all I am. I’m a writer, a feminist, a cow lover, a chai enjoyer, and many more. 

In a way, it’s as if these women who have a preference for men lose their identity as individuals once they become someone’s girlfriend. There are tons of stereotypes that women with boyfriends are “not feminist”, that they are overly dependent, or even that they have no personality outside their relationship. I personally think it’s absolutely absurd that, as a society, we create such assumptions based on relationships we know nothing about.

I rarely talk about my boyfriend, and if I do, I refer to him by his name and never as “my boyfriend,” and it’s not because I don’t want to talk about him, someone whom I care and love deeply, but because frankly, I feel as though I will receive judgment for it. I fear being known as the “girl who only talks about her boyfriend,” but truthfully, I don’t want people to assume that I’m not capable of talking about anything “interesting” or that I’m not capable of being my own person. Subconsciously, I think the reason I rarely bring up my boyfriend in conversations is that I want to be known for what ideas or opinions I have or what my future goals or aspirations are, and not just who I’m dating.

It’s ironic because single straight women are constantly asked about when they’re going to meet someone, but women who are already involved with someone shouldn’t yap on about their significant other. Bottom line, women, no matter their preference, are far more interesting and have more to talk about than just their relationships, but we also shouldn’t feel ashamed to “brag” about our partners or share their achievements. Love is love, no matter your sexual or gender identity, and we should all be supportive of it and not confine each other to one personality trait.