Virginia is my soul state. I was born and raised here, went to K-12 up in NOVA before moving to JMU to complete my undergrad, and God do I love it here. The small town feeling of Harrisonburg, with its rolling countryside that feeds into the Blue Ridge Mountains and the kindness shown to me every step of the way through my time here. It’s that Southern hospitality – even if we aren’t THAT Southern. However, while I’ve grown into a more empathetic, strong, and powerful woman here, I have found myself falling into a cycle of trying to be kind and relentlessly accommodating, which leads to feeling burnout constantly.
Well, it’s women’s history month, so there’s no better time than today to try and break this cycle. That’s why I’m startin small, focusing on the little things I can do to feel more empowered in my everyday life. Because although we are gettin some love and recognition now, it never seems to last.
So let’s get into this – here’s my three little changes I’m making this month to feel more confident in myself and more respectful of my time:
- Saying no
- Being less accommodating
- NOT saying “I’m Sorry”
Saying No
We all know how to say no, and I know we mean it when we say no, BUT we need to start feeling more comfortable saying no to anything. Friends, family, and anyone in between. I will not apologize for saying no anymore, or let people try and convince me to change.
My time is precious (so is yours!) and nobody is owed my time. Just because you’re available doesn’t mean you will say yes to someone’s request, even if that person is a family member or friend. That’s why I’m practicing saying no to plans, requests, and anything in between WITHOUT giving an excuse this month. Nobody needs to know why! It’s my time, not yours.
Being Less Accommodating
Piggybacking off what we just talked about – we NEED to say no and stop being accommodating. A woman who I look up to told me recently: “if you tell someone that they made you uncomfortable or that they’ve upset you, it is NOT your job (I repeat NOT your job) to make them feel comfortable around you.” Awkward silences are not yours to fill. Just because they’re your friend, doesn’t mean that they are immune to making you uncomfortable. So stop being so accommodating!
And this applies to a lot of situations – we’ve given into this narrative that as women (and/or people pleasers) that the second we make someone uncomfortable, we must fix it. But that’s NOT our job. Even if it hurts you to sit in some awkward silences – stand your ground and let them reflect on how they hurt you and how THEY can fix it.
NOT saying “I’m Sorry”
You ever had someone bump into you and YOU say you’re sorry? Yeah, been there… Honestly, I probably did that today. BUT we are changing that this month because we need to take up space and own it. No more apologizing for things we didn’t cause, even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal. You own your space, you control it, so it’s time we stop saying “I’m sorry” for just existing. Next time someone bumps into you, keep walking.
While these are just some small changes I’m implementing this month to feel more confident, there are countless other ways to go about celebrating Women’s History Month. This is a time for us to learn from each other and grow as women and as allies. Because while we can continue to make welcome spaces for everyone, be empathetic, and listen to others, you gotta keep putting yourself first.
ShoutOut! James Madison University 