JMU Hookup culture

I’ve always had a huge heart. I feel like I care more deeply than the average person. I love harder. I hurt harder. Everything has always felt amplified through my lens. For a long time, I called that my greatest blessing, but it has also been my biggest curse, because I always seem to end up getting hurt.

When I came to JMU, I thought I would find my dream man and live out some kind of fairytale. I imagined the thrill of falling in love with the boy who lived downstairs, or maybe the football player who slid into my DM’s, or maybe even the handsome man I met in the first week of school. Unfortunately, what I found instead was a culture where emotions feel optional, and intentions are rarely clear. I met guys who said all the right things, made me feel special for a little while, and then disappeared. After three hangouts and sleeping together, I would find myself ghosted and confused about how something that felt so real to me could vanish so quickly.

And this wasn’t a one-time thing or even a two, or three, or four, or even a twenty-time thing. It became a monthly pattern. A cycle of thrill, wonder, and sex… And then silence. I started to feel hopeless, like I was being used and there was nothing I could do about it because I wanted to be in love so bad.

Unplanned Parenthood explains it quite well. “For some, hookup culture can lead to feeling used, unseen, or unsure of their worth, especially if there was hope it would lead to something more.” The aftermath of an “emotionless hookup” is rarely talked about, which I find ironic, because the emotions attached to it are often the very thing that lingers the longest.

So, what can we do to stop this cycle?

How do we stop seeking temporary attention to fill the void of wanting a companion, a partner, a love? How do we stop giving pieces of ourselves to people who clearly were never planning on sticking around?

To stop it, we need to accept that we allow it. We tolerate it. We participate in the cycle continuing. Breaking it starts with practicing self-reflection and self-care. Breaking it means asking ourselves, why we are putting ourselves through situations where we know we deserve more? Breaking it means asking ourselves, why are we accepting crumbs as our entire 5-star meal? Breaking it means prioritizing emotional intimacy and attachment. It means setting clear boundaries and communicating openly with partners, even when it’s uncomfortable or awkward. Especially, when it’s uncomfortable or awkward.

Maybe if we become more comfortable speaking up about what we want, what we expect, and what we will not tolerate, things will start to change.

Maybe if we become comfortable with ourselves and with being by ourselves, we will stop seeking validation from other people who were never meant to give it.

And then maybe, just maybe, we can finally end this cycle.