At just 17 years old, my aunt made a life-changing decision and moved to China. She was inspired by learning Chinese at her all girl’s private school and a desire to broaden her worldview, leaving for the unknown. Her journey helped define her understanding of culture, gender, and identity, leaving a lasting impression on both her and the people she encountered while she was there. Moving to China at such a young age was both courageous and an act of curiosity. While most teenagers were navigating prom and graduation plans, she was stepping into a foreign country, alone. Remarkably, her friends and family were supportive of this bold choice, though one expressed doubts upon her deciding to return years later. One friend, unable to comprehend the desire of living in China, questioned her decision which shows how transformative experiences can create distance from those who haven’t shared them or understand them.
Her initial impressions of China were based on cultural contrasts, particularly around gender roles. “Chinese women tend to be more submissive and delicate,” she stated, noting that societal expectations for femininity were still somewhat in the past. Drinking alcohol, for example, was considered a trait of masculinity. She recalled being complimented for drinking a type of liquor, a moment that underscored how differently gender was perceived. She became an object of curiosity, not just for being a woman, but for her appearance which was blonde hair and blue eyes. She noticed that this fascination overlooked gender, focusing on cultural ideals of beauty. Lighter skin was highly prized, with many Chinese women using umbrellas to shield themselves from the sun, and people with darker skin tones faced discrimination in job opportunities. Sports also revealed gender disparities. At a school field day, she noticed that girls were not expected to participate. Yet when she joined a race, the crowd cheered her on. This small act of defiance against gender norms left a lasting impression, demonstrating how even simple actions can challenge societal expectations.
Her relationship with her Chinese “mama,” the woman who welcomed her like family, was particularly transformative. This woman’s life had been shaped by the Communist Revolution, which demanded that everyone, regardless of gender, contribute to society. While this provided women with more equality compared to other cultures, it also brought hardships. During the Cultural Revolution, her mama was sent to the countryside to “learn from the common people,” where she sustained a nerve injury that prevented her from working. Her days became filled with cooking and cleaning, a reality far removed from the opportunities that many Western women take for granted.
“My mama only had two dresses,” my aunt recalled. “Coming back to the U.S., where girls were talking about prom dresses, was a culture shock. It made me appreciate what my mama had gone through and the sacrifices she had made.” Reflecting on her years in China, my aunt sees them as pivotal in shaping her viewpoint on life. Living abroad taught her to appreciate the complexity of the world and embrace the good in people, regardless of cultural or political divides. “China is a culture and a country that I will forever love, regardless of the relationship and opinions of the United States,” she said.
Her time there also solidified her belief in the importance of global experiences. Exposure to a different way of life deepened her understanding of gender and identity, and inspired her to question societal/gender norms. Whether it was her Chinese mama’s resilience or her own small rebellions, like racing at a school field day, each moment added depth to her understanding of what it means to be a woman in a global context. My aunt’s story is a testament to the power of stepping outside one’s comfort zone. Her journey from Richmond to Beijing wasn’t just about learning a new language or exploring a foreign culture, it was about discovering herself and the shared humanity that connects us all. For anyone considering life abroad, her advice is simple: go. The challenges are real, but it is so rewarding in the end, gaining a deeper appreciation for diversity, and a stronger sense of self.
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