In my last blog post “The Hard Truth Behind Eating Disorders” I talked a lot about the stereotype of eating disorders and healthcare workers overlooking the different varieties of eating disorders an individual can have. After writing that blog post I wanted to dive even deeper. Eating disorders are so common, especially for teenage girls and women overall. Like many females, I have experienced an eating disorder at one point in my life.
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An eating disorder stems from an individual being self-conscious of how they look and not liking their image. For me, it started in 8th grade. The truth is my body developed earlier than most of my peers and it made me uncomfortable. I remember girls in my grade hadn’t even hit puberty yet and were small and underdeveloped. Middle school was a strange and awkward time. I was very insecure in my own body. I was constantly comparing myself with other girls. Then I remember having my annual yearly check-up at the doctor’s office. The nurse told me to step on the scale and I will forever remember the number that was revealed. She told me and my mother that I was a little overweight for my age. I look back now and realize that my body was “overweight” for my age group because I had fully developed earlier than most girls. But that didn’t matter because all I heard was overweight. That was the moment my eating disorder started.
I now understand why an eating disorder is so hard to overcome because it is a mindset that is hard to get out of. For me, I became obsessed with trying to lose more weight and obsessive over a number on a scale. When I would reach the goal I wanted, I would always think that it wasn’t good enough and then try to lose even more. It is a hard cycle to come out of and is very dangerous if you don’t. I would count my calories daily to ensure I kept it low. When I was in this mindset it was the only thing I could think about, and it became an addiction. Everyone talks about what an eating disorder is like and how bad it can get, but in reality, you don’t know what it’s like until you are actually experiencing it.
I am so thankful to be out of that cycle now.
I am now twenty-one years old and over time the eating disorder slowly went away. I no longer have the same mindset as I did when I was fifteen. I slowly started not counting my calories anymore and started eating three meals a day that were healthy for my body. I started working out to build muscle and not solely to lose more pounds. Having an eating disorder is a draining experience and a lot of people never get out of it. Thankfully, I didn’t need professional help, and over time it went away. I began to develop more confidence in myself and my body as I grew older. However, many individuals need a healthcare professional or a therapist, so they need to be properly educated on the topic and aware of the diverse symptoms.
Even though I have come a long way since 8th grade and my relationship with food, there is always a part of it that stays with me. I will always remember what it feels like to have an eating disorder. It is something that no one should have to go through, but it is important to know that there is always a way to break the cycle.
Image from: https://www.gettyimages.com/search/2/image?phrase=eating%20disorder
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