Stop being so sensitive

“Stop being so sensitive”. Gosh, if I had a dollar for every time I heard this phrase. When did making racist, sexist, and homophobic jokes become so normal? We’re expected to laugh at jokes that put others down because laughing about the misfortunes of marginalized groups is apparently supposed to be funny. I used to have a male friend who made an excessive amount of jokes that women shouldn’t have rights and that they only belonged in the kitchen. As a woman, I should be able to laugh at these jokes, right? Surely, he’s just being funny and not intentionally offensive.

Over the years, I have realized that these “jokes” cause more harm than good. When we allow these narratives a seat at the table, even in lighthearted spirits, we perpetuate the idea that marginalized identities are something to joke about and shouldn’t be taken seriously. My final straw with this friend came when he began to joke about the Holocaust. He thought that because I was Jewish and he was German, we could turn our identities into a comedy routine. Even after I voiced that it wasn’t funny and he shouldn’t make light of the situation, he didn’t see the harm and continued to make jokes. I cut ties after that. These jokes aren’t just jokes, after all. They reflect power hierarchies and are purposefully made at the expense of those with less power. If the person making the jokes can’t see that they are offensive to someone after directly being told so, then they aren’t really jokes after all. 

I’ve felt pressured into laughing at offensive jokes one too many times. People will say, “I hate when people can’t take a joke, everyone is so sensitive these days,” then proceed to make the most racially offensive joke I’ve ever heard in my life. The issue is how desensitized we are to hearing these jokes. The first time I ever heard someone make a rape joke, I was appalled. I couldn’t even fathom how a person could find the humor in that situation, let alone create a punchline to get a laugh from others. Hearing these jokes now, my initial reaction is less surprised and more disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m completely disgusted by any person who thinks these jokes are humorous, and I do not condone this behavior in any way. However, I have grown used to hearing men make rape jokes, and they don’t instill that same shock factor that I experienced the first time I heard one.

It’s easy to brush off these jokes as harmless, but the longer we allow these narratives to continue, the more we reinforce them. We need to start calling people out when they make offensive remarks; asking a person why they said what they did and why they found it funny can help them reflect on the nature of the joke itself. If they don’t understand why it might be offensive and harmful to others, they’ll have no reason to stop. While it can be uncomfortable to challenge people, it is important to hold them accountable for their actions. We should be creating spaces where people are comfortable in their own identities, not ones where they’re being beaten down by others. 

Photo by Yan Krukau: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-woman-in-black-suit-sitting-at-the-table-7640807/