Dating a Straight Guy Blues

Before I really start off this post, I would like to say that my experiences with dating heterosexual men does not, repeat, does not represent all men who fall under that label. I am only speaking from my lived experience, so please do not be offended. With this being said, I’ve wanted to write about this for such a long time and now I feel like I have enough material to rightfully do so.  Since writing for ShoutOut I have become more in touch with my feminism and what empowerment looks like to me personally. Though I do not necessarily have a definition for my feminism, I know that I want to work to advance equality for all marginalized groups. I focus a lot on LGBT issues, because I am bisexual and also a lot of my friends are part of the community and I try to advocate for their rights as much as I can. It is hard though to always speak up when something is wrong, at least I have felt that way, and this is where the title of my post comes into play.

Too often I find myself in a constant state of anxiety when it comes to dating straight men, I never know if they will use phrases such as, “That’s so Gay,” or use the word faggot.Now I’m not saying that only straight men are guilty of this crime, but it becomes hard to say,” HEY YOU STOP SAYING THAT IT’S OFFENSIVE,” when you know, you wanna sleep with them. I have been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks now, we use to talk last semester, but lost touch, we have reconnected and it feels amazing. Or at least it use to feel amazing until I started to pick up on some things that didn’t sit right with my feminist self.  I like lists, so now I will list off all the ways in which, my potential “boo thing” has pissed me off.

1. At a party, his friend used the word faggot as a term of endearment. My guy went a long with it, and embraced the term.

2. At his house, his roommate called this character on Games of Thrones a faggot because he didn’t like him. My guy didn’t say anything about it, just laughed.

3. When I told my guy I was bisexual, he instantly brought up a threesome. #bisexualitymythproblems

4. My guy said that he would leave a room if he saw two guys making out, but said it was fine if two girls did. WOW!

5. He’s in a frat. JUST KIDDING, I just wanted to see if you were still paying attention 🙂

My biggest problem with all of this is in all of these moments, I never said anything. I never called out how problematic his behavior and statements were and I still feel bad about it, because when I tell my best friend about this who is gay, he just cringes. Why did I never say anything, I guess because I was so caught up in the other good qualities that I didn’t want to ruin the bliss. Now I’m happy to say that “my guy” is now just “that guy.” LGBT rights is such a big part of my life and someone who doesn’t want to be a part of that doesn’t deserve all that I have to offer. I know in the beginning stages of dating it may seem hard to call out people, but honestly I say do it, if the person responds negatively then they weren’t meant to be with you in the first place. Yes this guy who I was seeing is cute and sweet to me, but there has to be so much more than that. Now I’m not saying that he has to be holding the picket sign with me, but he can at least make some effort to be more accepting of the community that I call home.

Questions:

What do you think?

Do you think I’m being too hard on him?

Should there be a discussion that we have before I really make a final decision?

How have you dealt with this in previous relationships?

Love to know your insight!