There’s Nothing to “Outgrow”

I was going through my Facebook feed the other day, procrastinating instead of writing a six page paper, when I came across an interesting link that an acquaintance had posted on her wall. The phrase “gender expectations” was what initially attracted my interest…and so naturally, being all procrastinate-y, I clicked the link. It was a letter to the Washington Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax, and her subsequent response. A grandmother was worried, because her granddaughter was “very athletic, and enjoys taking part in only boys’ sports, such as martial arts…likes to wear only boys’ clothes and cuts her hair very short, like a boy”. She then asks, “Will she outgrow the problem and start acting like a girl?”

How…interesting. What is even better, though, is Hax’s answer. If you haven’t checked out the link yet, you should, because it will get you pumping your fist in the air and shouting “Hell yeah!” Hax basically lets grandma have it. She explains how a short haircut, if it’s on a girl, is a girl’s haircut, “boys’ clothes” become girl clothes the second they are on a girl’s body, and martial arts isn’t exclusively a boy’s sport. (What the hell? Since when did sports become something that only boys did?)

Grandma’s worries are obviously problematic for a few reasons. The first reason is that she clearly thinks that all girls love to wear pink and purple, have long hair, play with dolls, and whisper behind their hands about boys in their spare time. Hax lets grandma in on a little secret – her granddaughter is probably just a little sporty, and likes to run around outside instead of sitting inside, playing with dolls and sitting like a lady. This is absolutely A-Okay in my book…why should girls and boys act differently in the first place? Hmmmm?

The second reason is a little more hidden, and maybe more insidious. It’s the problem of inequality and intolerance concerning transgender issues. Hax tells grandma that there is a slim possibility that her granddaughter is a transgender…but if she is a boy in a girl’s body, then grandma and the rest of the family should love HIM just the way he is. Being judgmental and critical, instead of supportive, could lead to disastrous consequences. According to Hax, 41% of people who consider themselves transgender have attempted suicide in their lifetime…?!

41% is an astronomical amount. This column made me think of Cassidy Campbell – the first transgender homecoming queen crowned at Marina High School – and all the truly shitty things that some people have been saying about her. She has been called an abomination, along with a whole host of other terrible names. She posted a teary-eyed reaction on her youtube channel, explaining that she had been struggling with this her whole life, and asking why people were so ignorant.

That’s a good question Cassidy.

Now, when I was 8 years old, I wore dresses to school every day, played with Barbies, watched the Disney princess movies on repeat, and read Judy Moody (when I wasn’t sneaking my grandma’s romance novels). I was what you would call a “girly-girl”. I never had to struggle with my gender identity. Give it 4 years, and I was wearing all black, listening to Hawthorne Heights, and hanging out with a bunch of boys because I wanted to. I was sexually female and identified as a female…I just didn’t enjoy being girly anymore. The point that I’m trying to get at is that people should let their children grow into who they are – no matter how out of the norm it may seem. You can’t make someone into who you want them to be. You have to step back and let them blossom into the awesome person they are going to become – male, female, transgender, gay, lesbian, bi, PINK (for christ’s sake!), or otherwise.

This column illuminated gender misconceptions and transgender issues – both of which are feminist issues. As a feminist, I am concerned with equality for all. “All” includes people who are transgendered – I want to be an ally. Let me know how you feel about this, and what you think about this topic!