Don’t Ever Tell Pt. 1

“Thou shalt not be a victim, thou shalt not be a perpetrator, but, above all, thou shalt not be a bystander.” – Yehuda Bauer

 I had the honor of witnessing a heart wrenching testimonial from author and activist Janine Latus last night. Latus uses her own stories of partner abuse and the story behind her sister’s death to allow us to know about the intricate levels of violence first hand.  Latus jumped right into her personal narrative, by telling of her first encounter with sexual assault. When she confessed to her parents, her dad told her to never tell anyone, “they will think you’re a slut.” This part really resonated with me, because I feel like some people will not tell others of their sexual assault for the fear of negative responses. That’s why I commend Latus for telling her story, because she creates a start to the discussion that so desperately needs to be heard.

Two summers ago, I was sexually assaulted. I was hanging out with two of my girlfriends and then two of their guy friends. I was flirting with one of the guys, but I wasn’t really into him, but that’s not what my two girl friends thought. The two of them and there other guy friend went into this room, locked the door to let me and this guy be alone. We started kissing, and he repeatedly suggested sex and I told him no. He kept on trying to persuade and before I knew it we were on the floor and I went into shock. I don’t really know how long this went on, but my heart was rushing, I wanted it to stop. Instantly after it was over my friend came out of the room, stormed out, she was furious. The next day she called me a whore and said that she didn’t associate herself with people who did the things that I did. From that moment, I didn’t tell anyone that this sexual act wasn’t consensual till a few months ago. I was afraid they wouldn’t believe me, or my former friend would combat that statement and say that I was lying. I felt dirty for a really long time and still battle with my emotions.

I tell my story because Latus was brave enough to share hers. Also this idea that the person who I thought was my friend didn’t come at all to make sure I was okay, I just needed someone to intervene. This brings me back to the beginning quotation that a lot of times we believe that we cannot help situations but even the simple opening the door or pulling a friend from a situation can make all the difference.

I want to continue this discussion and talk more about partner violence and go more into ways in which we bring these things to the forefront of our conversations.  Check out part 2!