Hi there! I’m FemOnFire, one of the newest ShoutOut! contributors. I’m a JMU Writing and Rhetoric major with a developing interest in Political Science. Having grown up with strong men and women feminist role models, it has been a surprise to no one that I have blossomed into a full-fledged proponent of equal rights, myself. I’m writing here because I think that feminist issues are human issues, and I hope to educate a little and learn a lot both by discussing the issues dearest to my heart and branching out into those furthest from my typical consciousness.
That having been said, yesterday’s news from Washington State has left me thinking a lot about marriage. Over the past several years, the debate over “gay marriage” has become much more publicized, and has certainly begun to be taken more seriously. The movement in favor of marriage equality has been steadily gaining momentum, with recent news proclaiming Washington the soon-to-be seventh state to legalize same-sex marriage. The San Francisco Chronicle highlights Senator Mary Margaret Haugen’s decision as the last of the 25 votes necessary to pass the legislation in the Washington Senate. This is a great victory for the LGBT community, and for human rights at large. However, seven out of fifty states is simply not enough. The arguments over the morality of allowing same-sex couples to marry have been argued to death; I have no new information to convince you that I have the right to marry the legally consenting adult of my choice. I will, however, tell you why it’s a good idea for you to let me.
Everyone dreams about the place they will eventually settle down in. With fewer than two years left in my college career, I am joining the millions of young people beginning to plan the next step in their lives, and deciding where to live. There is one criterion that ranks above the rest in my decision, though: Will I be able to get married? As a member of the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer) community, it may be the deciding factor if I have to choose between a state like Virginia, which does not offer same-sex marriage, and one like Vermont, which does. Despite my love for the Old Dominion state and my bitter distaste for the cold, I would choose the state that afforded me the same right to marry as any other citizen over the one that did not. I will always choose to live in a place that legally declares me an equal. Why, though, should that convince any state to grant me this equality?
I am a good consumer. I buy often, and I try to shop in small business stores. I contribute to the local economy. I get involved in state and local politics. I volunteer. I’ll plant a garden. I’ll support your kids in their school fundraiser, or better yet, I’ll adopt some of my own from your overburdened system. I’ll get married, and I’ll employ your local businesses to decorate and cater my wedding. I’ll register for gifts in your local shops. I’ll invite my family to visit often and we’ll go out to dinner at the town restaurants. I do everything I can to contribute to my community. I’ve got a pretty great residential resume, but you’ve got to convince me to come live with you. If you want me to sign the lease, you’ve got to offer all the amenities.
Whether your politics are aligned with same-sex marriage or not, states that don’t allow it are becoming less attractive to LGBTQ individuals. Disallowing us the right to marry our partners reflects an overarching refusal to validate us as human beings with equal capacity for and right to love and happiness. It makes us feel like aliens in our own environment, and communicates to us that you don’t accept us as people with proper emotional or decision-making capabilities. It keeps us from wanting to settle down and get involved in your state because it tells us that you don’t want us there.
And that is just bad business.
ShoutOut! James Madison University 
This is a great argument. I get kind of tired of gay marriage equality campaigns that are like “BECAUSE LOVE!!!” Straight people don’t have to get married because they’re in love, they don’t have to prove it, they can get married because they fucking want to. Because they’re drunk in Vegas and it seems like a good idea, or because they want tax breaks, or because they’re in love or whatever. The whole “LOVE” thing drives me nuts, it’s about equality. It’s about the fact that I contribute to this community as much, if not more than, any straight person. Like you said, I help out the local economy. I’m an educated, careful consumer who tries to frequent local businesses and local farms and buy local food and what have you. I care about the state of Virginia, about the people here, because I’ve lived here longer than anywhere else. But with gay marriage actually illegal here, and increasing restrictions on access to abortion, what incentive do I, as a bisexual woman, have to live here? And doesn’t it hurt the state if people leave in droves because they’re unequal?
Also, this whole section: “Disallowing us the right to marry our partners reflects an overarching refusal to validate us as human beings with equal capacity for and right to love and happiness. It makes us feel like aliens in our own environment, and communicates to us that you don’t accept us as people with proper emotional or decision-making capabilities.” AMEN.
This is an awesome, thought provoking post.
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I agree with Katie. I love how you’ve taken the old argument and put a new spin on it. However, as logical as your argument is, I feel that it will not convince most others. People who base their prejudice against gays on, say perhaps, their religion will only feel vindicated if gay people say, “Your state won’t let me get married to my partner so I will not move there.” Of course, maybe when business starts to really rise in some states, others will change their mind but those set in their ways will not care about the state. As sad as that is, they will only care that the people that they hate have left.
Your argument is strong and could most likely convince people who have their prejudice based on hating those different from them into perhaps accepting them as just consumers. But your argument is only part of one giant argument. Does that make sense? I did love this post and I feel posts like this are why our fifty states will be well on their way to allowing marriage equality everywhere. :]
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